Why Not Live?

Chapter Ten - What's the Difference Between a Tie and a Leash and Collar?

Nathan's POV

Nathan sighed as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He wore a black button down shirt tucked into a pair of black dress pants. Clara had come in earlier and forced him into a tie. He hated ties. They always felt way too tight and it was like wearing a leash and collar. He fidgeted with the one tied around his neck, aching to loosen it.

"Would it be extremely inappropriate, seeing as you're getting ready for a funeral, to say you look good?" Charly asked as she walked in the door. "Well, good in a dark and depressing way."

Nathan turned to face her, managing a smile. "Black is my color."

She shook her head and came to hug him. "You okay?" She whispered, leaning back to look at him with those perfect green eyes.

He brushed a piece of hair out of her face, letting his fingers linger on the soft skin of his cheek. "I'm better. We just have to get through today. After today I think we can all start letting go and moving on."

She nodded, resting her chin on his chest. "Clara seems to be doing much better. I'm wondering how she's gonna do today."

Charly was right, Clara had been doing much better. Nathan had been spending a lot of time at the house, helping out any way he could. But it had only taken Clara until the next day to be back on her feet. He'd spent the night and woken up to the sound of her in the shower. She was still distant, and snuck into her room throughout the day. The few times Nathan walked by he could hear her crying. But she was working through it, she was picking herself up. That's what mattered.

"She'll make it." He said, pulling on a piece of her hair and leaning forward to give her a quick kiss. "We should get going."

"You're right." She took a deep breath and grabbed his hand. "Let's go."

The funeral was depressing, to say the least. Lots of people were there. Some of John's military friends all dressed in formal dress blues who sat up too straight and seemed entirely too emotionless the whole time. Others were members of John's family, his crying relatives Nathan had never met who tried to hug him or talk about John. Nathan never really talked back. No one from Nathan's family came, except for Clara, Ethan, and William.

William hugged Clara and Ethan, and even teared up during the sermon, but he didn't say anything to Nathan until after the funeral, when they were all standing around outside the small church where the sermon was held.

It was a nice day outside, which seemed to conflict with Nathan's mood. He stood away from everyone else, with his arms crossed over his chest. He was done talking to people and listening to them cry to him. They were people he didn't even know and they were trying to hug him. At first he had tolerated it but now he glared at almost anyone who came near him. He didn't do hugging strangers, especially not emotional ones.

He hadn't really noticed Will at first, he hadn't exactly been paying attention. His focus was on Charly. She sat across the lawn with Ethan, watching him as he spoke to her very animatedly, waving his hands around as he talked.

The kid had done pretty well at the funeral. He hadn't cried, he'd only watched and listened to everything going on. He held his mom's hand when they lowered John into the ground, his young face looking serious and thoughtful and a little sad. But Nathan hadn't seen him cry at all.

William cleared his throat and Nathan quickly turned to look at him. Where Nathan and Clara looked almost completely alike William was the odd one out of the three. He had gotten their mother's blond hair and their father's hard dark green eyes. He wore a fitted black suit and shiny black dress shoes. "How is Clara holding up?" Will asked quietly, glancing back at the crowd of people that were surrounding her.