Why Not Live?

Chapter Fifteen - City Walks at Night

Charly's POV

~*~*~one week later~*~*~

Empty. All she could feel was empty. She watched the fan on the ceiling above her as it continued to spin in circles, making a quiet whooshing noise. She was starting to shake from the cold, but she didn't care, not really. She continued to stare at the blades slicing through the air.

It was easier last time, so much easier. Last time it was her choice to keep him away. Last time he was still there, even if he wasn't with her, and now he was just gone. Completely gone. And the worst part was that she knew it was her fault. She knew she should have told him, but she just couldn't. She was afraid that he would leave, and he had.

But she still couldn't help but wonder if it would have been different; if he had known the truth the entire time.

It was strange, how quickly someone can become such a big part of a person's life. Charly had only known Nathan for a few weeks and yet his absence stung like they had known each other for much longer.

"Charles!" Joey's voice called, followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

Charly sighed and waited, listening to him walk through the kitchen and the living room before making his way back to her room. "What are you doing?" He asked, leaning against the door frame when he saw her lying on the bed.

Charly glanced at him, before looking back up at the ceiling. Just looking at Joey added to her already huge amounts of guilt. He looked terrible. He always looked so tired, and he was rarely ever playful anymore. His hair was flat and his eyes were dull. He tried to hide it around her, to pretend like everything was okay. But she saw the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't watching, that hopeless, dead look.

"Charly?" He called lightly when she didn't answer him.

A shiver ran through her and soon she felt a blanket being draped over her. "You're freezing," Joey said, his face suddenly appearing in her line of vision as he touched her arm. His eye brows were drawn together as he frowned at her. He picked up the blanket on one side and crawled in beside her, wrapping his arm around her and holding her against his warm side as he laid on his back.

They were both silent for a while, both staring at the ceiling with nothing to say. Stacy had told Joey about everything that had happened with Nathan after he had stumbled in the next day, obviously suffering from a hangover. He seemed mad at first, then guilty for some reason, now he just behaved like if it had never happened.

Which was fine with Charly, she didn't want to talk about it anyways.

"What are we doing, Joe?" She asked, surprised at her own voice. She hadn't really intended to say anything. But now that she had she waited for his answer.

He was quite for a minute. "What do you mean?"

"Just... I don't know what to do anymore, Joey. When I found out I had cancer and that I wasn't going to make it, I thought that I needed to spend the time I had left living, you know? Everybody always says life is short, but I never really thought about it until I realized just how short mine was going to be. And I wanted... I wanted to make it count. But look at us now. We're falling apart. You pretend to be okay, but we both know you're not."

"I'm really-" Joey started to protest before she cut him off.

"Don't start, you still smell like that disgusting bar down the street and you haven't had a shower in days. And either way, I know you. You can't hide from me and you know it, so could we both just stop pretending?"

Joey nodded, his lips pressed in a hard line and his eyes still locked on the ceiling.

"Good." She took a deep breath. "Good."