Don't Tell Sammy

Chapter 10: Intimidation and Validation

So, gay.

Gay, gay, gay.

He was gay.

That would explain why he'd been aroused by two men having sex, and when he'd been watching the straight stuff, it would explain why he was focused more on the man.

Another thing it explained was why, when he saw the men in the videos seemingly going insane over the women's boobs, he found himself questioning the appeal of a jiggling ball of fat with a nipple on top, in one of the videos that nipple having a piercing through it. There was nothing sexual about breasts. They had glands which produced milk during pregnancy to nurture babies. They were soft lumps on the chests of women. Completely unexciting, just a feature on a female.

Though admittedly, they did look slightly memorizing when they jiggled.

Cas, sitting in a hanging chair and staring blankly ahead of him, found himself wondering why people weren't built to be attracted to all people. But it was a built in thing, he guessed, people were born or made that way. There was no choice involved. If there was a choice, almost everyone would choose to be straight, to avoid backlash from the general non-understanding population.

Cas wondered what Dean thought of this new discovery. He wondered if he cared, if it changed anything, or if it made as little impact on him as finding out Dean's sexuality had made on Cas.

He wondered what Dean had been going to stay before Sam texted.

He wondered what Dean had been going to say yesterday before Sam texted looking for pictures.

He wondered briefly if Sam was spying on them and choosing to text at all of the moments he felt were leading up to something that felt like it might be important.

Then he had the horrifying wondering about whether it bothered Dean that he now knew he was living with a man who was attracted to men. He could see him as a predator or something. And Cas definitely wasn't going to be a predator, with how hard he was working to make sure he didn't make Dean uncomfortable.

It wasn't as though he hadn't accidentally thought about Dean that way in the past, in fact he had many times which was something that confused him in the first place. Though back then, he'd never assumed he was gay.

But yeah, he was gay.

Gay, gay, gay.

Just a casual fact that he couldn't help but linger on.

Like, now he knew that if he was going to do this whole humanity thing after the angels got back upstairs, if they didn't end up finding his grace, he wouldn't be doing as Metatron told him to do with finding a "wife." He'd be finding ... a husband. It just sounded so weird. Almost as weird as finding a wife sounded, honestly.

He didn't know what to do with this information.

He had no desire to go out into the world and find that kind of life, even with this information in tow. His only desire was right now to help Dean with this case, and then ...

Help him with any others in the future. And help Sam. Just like he'd been able to when he was an angel, only without his powers. He still felt useless without powers. But if they could use him in any way, any way at all, he would be there for them. For Sam. For Dean.

He had always done everything they asked, had always come running at Dean's every call, and he would continue to do that. His phone would never be off, lest Dean decide to call.

Although Cas wasn't sure whether he would or not once this case was over, because this case was ... special. It was something only Cas could really do, but in other instances there was likely to be someone who'd do the job better than him ... Cas wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the pretending to be a couple thing. If it was a normal, non-LGBT+ only building, Sam and Dean would have come as brothers and roommates, he was certain of it.