Black Roses (OHSHC x reader)

I'm Sorry I Can't

Hey guys sorry for the extremely late update but school got overwhelming, basically just life itself. I don't know why I decided to write this chapter but I felt in the mood to. Warning mentions of depression, cutting, potential suicide thoughts. If you cannot handle it then please either skip this chapter or skip to after the time skip.

I'm so tired. Tired of everyone leaving me, no matter how hard I try. Even though they were forcibly taken away, it still hurts like hell. I want to end everything; to re-join my family after all these years. It's only them who is stopping me. I can't just abandon them. Lyon, Satoshi and Asuna are relying on me, who would protect from "them", especially after Ayase's death. I sighed and rolled over, snuggling into the blanket. I stared at my wall while my mind was lead to the small box on the bottom shelf of my closet. Inside was filled with blood-stained razors and a small med-kit.
I used to cut in the first few months of freedom from that cursed place, after I lost my only family left during the escape plan. If only they hadn't shot at him, if only I had leapt in front of the bullet's path and spared him from death. I would have gladly given my life instead if it meant that he could live. But I didn't, instead I just stood there in shock like a coward. He was much stronger than me. A stray tear slipped past my high wall and slid down my pathetic face. I've held everything in for years, acting strong in front of everyone and they believe it. Who said I was strong?
I've learnt that crying is a weakness and weaknesses must never be shown, even in front of loved ones. Asking for help is a weakness; showing your sadness is a weakness; sharing your insecurities is a weakness. Once a weakness is shown, the strong will use that to crush you over and over again. Up till now I've been holding it in, acting strong in front of everyone. But now it's overflowing. Cutting was the most effective way to release everything but I stopped. It became too addicting and I'm sure that my dead parents aren't too happy with my method. Now the urge is becoming intolerable. I started to reach out for the box but stopped myself just before my fingertips would touch the cardboard box. I still have the scars from the last time gave in to the temptation. They now lay over my thighs, stomach and wrists just adding to the few scars from my time in the lab.
I look over at my clock and see 12:28 am written. I won't be able to resist if I stay here and headed out, grabbing my school bag. I probably won't come back until after-school so might as well take my things. I make sure to grab my black jacket since I could already feel the cold air slip under the front door. Once I was ready I headed out of the rundown apartment building.
During times like this where I can't sleep I normally head to the park down the road for some time to think. Other times I would just work to keep myself busy. I headed down to the park, needing some time to think things through. As the park neared, silence weighed heavily on the air. Of course it would be empty as it was the middle of the night. I sat on one of the swings and retreated into my mind. Humming a tune possible lyrics appeared. I quickly grabbed a notebook and pen from my bag before they could disappeared and jotted it down. Time passed by and the sun's rays stretched over the earth.
Looking back down at my watch I see that it's 6:02am. Wow that was quick. I'm about an hour away from school so if I don't want to be late I better start walking. My vision suddenly turned white and black spots danced across my eyes. I leaned on the swing, supporting my body as my head swam. It took a while for my vision to return and my mind to still. What just happened? Maybe I just stood up to quickly... or... maybe I'm running out of time. I just hope it was the first one.

~Time Skip~

These pink walls are starting to hurt my exhausted eyes. The only sound you can hear is the clicking of my heels on the marble floor. Even though I left early I'm still late. I sighed as I approached my classroom door. Pulling down my sleeves to cover my wrist I push the door open and am met with my teachers accusing stare. I quietly hand her the late note and quickly sit at my desk. Unfortunately I'm in the same class as Haruhi and the twins. Thankfully I'm on the other side of the classroom so I don't have to deal with their overbearing personalities.
"Class, today you will receive your assignment that will be due in one week. You will work in groups of three or four. This is a group assignment so you cannot work by yourself." The teacher's loud voice broken the silence.
Shit, an assignment? I don't have the time to work on it, I have work and other 'responsibilities'. At least it's a group assignment, I might have to push most of the work onto them. I hate doing that but I have no choice.
"I'll leave you to decide your groups but I will give you the topic. Once you have decoded on your group then come to me to get started."
As if on cue two arms rest on my slumped shoulders.
"Hey Y/N, you're in our group" The twins simultaneously said.
I roughly pushed their heavy arms off my sore shoulders. I'm still sore from dance last night, fatigue doesn't help either. Considering their 'offer', it doesn't seem like a bad idea. They're partly aware of my situation. At least about my worm. Maybe they could understand and let me off. Haruhi starts making her way to us, Hikaru leaning on her when she arrived. A look of sympathy and hope on her face.
"Sure, when do we start?" A fake smile shined on my face.
"How about tonight at my house? My dad is working tonight so we'll be alone." Haruhi smiles at my response.
My fake smile faltered slightly. Tonight was the night I was going to get everything ready for when I head back to the abandoned orphanage.
"Sorry but I can't tonight..."
"What about - "I cut the twins off before they could finish their sentence.
"I can't tomorrow either, I have work."
The sound of the bell signalling the end of the day saved me from having to create an excuse. I rushed out of the room and headed to the nearest clothing store. I quickly change out of my school clothes and into my normal worn out clothes in the changing room. I peeked out of the stall to see the host club looking around. I sweat dropped at their speed. Keeping my head down I silently creep out of the store and head to the opposite direction. Luckily the bank was in this direction. I feel bad that I keep avoiding them but I have other priorities on my already packed schedule.