I'm used to it

Chapter 3

"Amber.. Beautiful name." I just looked him in the eyes and put up a little smile. That was the first time after 3 years someone said my name. It felt so good to hear it, i still exist. In school nobody knows my name and they don't even care. Even teachers can't remember me, i'm invisible to them but i don't care. I'm used to it. I couldn't speak, i couldn't tell him. Not yet, it's just to soon for me. I need time to know him better even if i know him for 3 years already. But that was different, i want to know who he really is, out of the spotlight. "I don't like to talk about it.." I looked back to the floor. Liam stands up from the other couch and came sit next to me. "Then we don't talk about it. How about watching a movie you like?" I nodded slowly and he grabbed some movies. I picked out 'The hunger games'. "I always wanted to see that movie but i had no one to go with." I said quiet. "Well, today is your lucky day!" He stood up from the couch and took something to drink and something to eat from the kitchen, placed it onto the little table in front of us and took a blanket. "Are you cold?" He asked sweet. I nodded and he put the blanket over me and came sit next to me. I sit here like an idiot in the corner, not knowing what to do. I'm so awkward, i'm not used to be around guys. "Come here." He smiled and reached out for me. I crawled to him and he put his arm around my waist. I felt save, nobody could hurt me now. 

I enjoyed watching the movie, i really liked it. The end is so sweet! I was talking to Liam about how i liked Jennifer Lawrence and he was teasing me because he met her multiple times. We laughed a lot with each other during the movie and i feel like he really cares about me even if i only know him for 4 hours. He's the only one talking to me, listening and let me feel save. After 3 years placed in the corner, i'm finally feeling wanted again. I find myself smiling when i was lost in my thoughts. "What are you thinking about?" Liam snapped me out of my thoughts. "Nothing i just want to thank you." Liam looked confused. "For what?" I took a deep breath before i start talking. "For caring." He smiled. "Of course i do, just like all your friends right?" I got a lump in my throat. "Right." I aswered fast and pushed the blanket away from me.

"I think it's better if i leave now, i guess my dad is already missing me.. Thank you." I searched for my sweater and opened the door.

"WAIT! Can i have your number? So you can call me if something is going on, or wrong.." I nodded and typed my number in his phone. I give him a little fake smile and walked out the door, heading back home.

And there came the tears. "Just like all your friends right?" Friends? Where? When he said that i knew i had to leave because otherwise i'd be crying in front of him again and he would ask what was wrong. I'm gonna tell him, but just not yet. You know i build walls up in the past 3 years, and they're to high to break. The only person i could talk to was myself, i was like my own best friend. Sounds ridiculous, i know. I had nobody to talk to, only myself. And believe me, i've disappoint myself a lot. I arrived home after 15 minutes and ran straight to my bed. It's 1 am already and i have school tomorrow.. Luckily tomorrow was wednesday, so only 2 more days till the weekend. Not that the weekend is so amazing for me. I don't go out, i have nobody to go with. I'm all alone, but nobody can hurt me here. Like i said before my dad is never here, because he has a new girlfriend. I don't like her, she thinks she can replace my mom. I can't believe he already forgot about mom, i still miss her everyday. I need her the most right now, i need her to talk to me and tell me what i need to do. I just need her, but she's never coming back. And that hurts knowing that i can never hug her anymore. A hug from my mom is all i need right now. My mom died in a car crash, she came back from work and some drunk idiot crashed into her. She died immediately, i didn't even had the chance to say goodbye. And that sucks, because i also never had the chance to tell her how much i loved her. Being an almost 18 year old girl without a mom is really hard. I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. I can't believe it, that she's gone. I still hope everyday that she'll walk into my room and kiss me goodnight but i know that's never going to happen. More tears came, i miss her so fucking much! Here we go again, another night i'll cry myself to sleep.

I woke up by the sound of my stupid alarm. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and i wished i didn't. My eyes red and puffy like always but my lip is still swollen and my bruise is dark purple now. Great, Sophia and their gang will laugh at me again. I put on some make-up, not to much because at the end of the day it will be ruined again. I put some extra on the bruise to hide it. You still see it but less. I walked to my closet, i decided to wear a light skinny jeans, black converse and some random top. I grabbed my bag, my blue hoodie and some money, i decided to buy lunch at school. I closed the door behind me with a big sigh and started to walk towards school. I walked through the park like always but stopped when i saw my favorite tree. It was my lucky place since yesterday. I let out a sigh and continued walking. I saw my school coming closer and closer. I don't want to be here.. I made my way to my locker and quickly took my French book. I made my way to class, yes i'm the first one. Seconds after i got in the bell rang and people started to walk into the room. I saw Sophia, Nicole, Dena and Carol walk into the room. Sophia took the chair in front of me again, why can't she just leave me alone.

"Where's my homework?"

"H-home..work?"

"Yeah homework? We had to make a conversation in French, so where's mine?"

"I-i.. I'm sorry i forgot. I didn't even make one myself.."

"You gonna regret this nerd!"

And she left again, she took a seat by her friends who gave me weird looks. I'm wondering what she's saying about me, probably things i don't want to hear. My self confidence isn't great, so that would make it even worse. She just don't understand that words really hurt, she just don't seem to get that. But i'm used to it, i'm used to getting hurt.

Before i knew it was already lunchtime. I was so happy to to get out of class. I went to the cafeteria and looked around. I was fast because there weren't a lot of people. I went to the line and waited  for my turn. When it was my turn i ordered some pasta, i love it. After i ordered the cafeteria was almost full. I saw an empty table in the corner and walked towards it. Untill someone smashed the pasta in my face, my whole shirt was full of red sauce. Embarrassing, again. "HAHAHAHAHAHAH OH GOD HAHAHAH" Nicole laughed when she left me standing there. The whole school was looking at me and i could feel the tears prickle my eyes. I dropped the plate and ran to the toilet. Here i am again, during lunch crying alone on a toilet. My whole shirt was ruined, great. Suddenly i felt my phone buzzing.

From: uknown number

Hi, uhm do you wanna hang out today? I have a day off. x Liam :)

My tears stopped when i saw the message. I catched myself smiling, and that was a good sign i guess. I replied i'd love to and in less then a minute i had a text back.

From: Liam ♡

Okay, i'll pick you up at your school? When are you finished? x

I replied my school finished at 15.20pm and gave him the address. He replied he'll be here in time. Wait what? Liam Payne is gonna pick me up here, at school? Look at my shirt..

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A/N:

Here we are againnn! I can't update every week bc school and stuff ugh but i do my best :)

I wish I could hang out with Liam haha :(

xoxo Fem