I'm used to it

Chapter 4

The day went fast luckily and Sophia, Nicole, Dena en Carol didn't do anything anymore today. I think i had enough for today. But maybe I didn't.. I made my way to my locker to put my books away when i saw Sophia standing a few feet away from me. I immediately looked down and walked past her, but she grabbed my wrist. I let out a silent shriek, fresh scars hurts. She gave me a dead glance and started to talk.

"So, i've got a 0 for my French homework. You need to pay for that because my daddy wants me to get straight A's. Do you understand?"

"I've.. eum.. I've got a 0 myself."

"I don't care about you! This is about me."

She tightened the grip around my wrist what made me almost cry. It hurted so much, please let go of me, please God. I broke myself out of her grip and ran outside as fast as i could. I looked around to see if Liam was already there, until i heard a car toot. There he was, he saved my life because when i got into the car i saw Sophia storming out of the building looking for me. "Did you have PE or something?" Liam asked. "No.. Why? I just.. didn't want to let you wait." I just ran for my life, i'm exhausted. Liam drove away and i watched Sophia looking around to find me. I looked back down and i felt something wet on my hoodie. I looked at my arm and saw blood. Fuck not again, not now! "Shit." I muttered to myself.

"Wha-.. No Amber, not again.."

"I didn't!"

"Then why are you bleeding again?"

I looked at my feet and tears rolled down my face. I put my head in my hands and start to sob uncontrollable. We arrived at Liam his apartement and he carried me out of the car, upstairs. He went to the kitchen. I crawled into the corner of the couch again and brought my knees up to my chest. Why can't i stop crying, i've been crying for 3 years almost everyday now. Liam came back from the kitchen with a towel, disinfectant and some band-aid, just the same as yesterday. "Tell me what happend, i'll take care of these wounds." I looked the other way, but felt Liam his hand under my chin and he turned my face around so i was facing him. "Look, i'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not going to tell anybody. You can trust me." You can trust me, hearing these words means a lot. I finally have somebody who i can trust even if i only know him less than 48 hours. I know him for 3 years actually, but in a different way.. In a way the whole world know him. I feel comfortable and save around him, it's been a while since i felt save. I didn't answer his question and i heard him sigh. I took off the hoodie and i saw Liam looking at my shirt. "I just spilled something on it.." There was a silence for a while until i spoke again.

"It were girls."

"Girls?"

"Girls from my school Liam! I've been bullied for the past 3 years now and i can't fucking take it anymore! Everyday they call me names i'm not, they push me, hit me, they hate me. And it seems like whatever they hate, the rest of the school hates too. And i have no idea why, i didn't do anything to them. They hate me since day one i've got here. The swollen lip? Because of them, because i need to do their homework and i got Sophia a B. She got mad and kicked me over. Wanna know why my scars are bleeding? Because Sophia grabbed my arm, she wanted to punch me because i got her a B, i'll be dead if i see her. I wanted to get away but she pinched harder around my wrist. Nicole throw my pasta over me, things like that happen to me everyday.. I can't do this anymore." I was sobbing so loud now, it felt good to finally tell someone but still i don't want to bother someone with my problems. 

"Amb-.."

"And don't dare to tell me that everything is gonna be fine, because it's not! I have nobody here, nobody that cares about me! I don't even understand why you care, i'm just a loser! I'm just another fucking fan!"

"Bu-.."

"No! Just don't.."

And that was the moment i completely broke down. I was shaking, crying and i wanted to scream the lungs out of my body. I'm trapped in my horrible body full of scars. I kept the fake smiles on for to long. I can't stay strong forever, nobody can. I thought i could do that, but i failed. Liam just watched me, doing nothing until he came closer to me and grabbed me in for a hug. I rested my head on his chest sobbing loudly.

"I know how it is Amber! I've been through that shit for my whole school life! I know how it feels to be a loser, i know how hard it is, nobody cared about me either. But for you it's different now. Because you've got me and i'm here for you, i am not gonna leave you alone, even if i only know you for around 48 hours now. I don't care, i want you to be happy again. I don't want you to go through all this shit anymore. I've been through this for about 10 years, i know how horrible it is and that's why i want to help you. I want to be your friend, i don't want you to be just a fan. And i'm not gonna tell you to stop cutting, but please think about it.."

He took my wrist and kissed it. It felt so good to know that someone cares about me. But still he didn't know everything. I find it hard to talk about my mom, but i had the feeling that i needed to tell him. Nobody gives a shit about me, but he does.

"You want me to stop? You have no idea how hard that is.. You have no idea how the rest of my life is! I have no one to talk to, my dad fucking hits me and he's always away. He don't care about me, and i get that. I'm useless. Look at my cheek Liam, he did this to me! He has never been there for me, and he still isn't. And my m-.." I couldn't.. I couldn't talk about her. I still miss her to much, the scars are still fresh to me. I never told anybody that my mom died, not here. I bet if Sophia and her gang would know this, they would probably laughing in my face about my mom. Liam looked at me with sad eyes, i really want to tell him but i just can't. Tears kept rolling down my cheek. Liam held me even closer and stroke through my hair. "It's okay, shhh." We stayed like this for a while until i stopped crying. I've never felt this save in my life before. But what when i'm back at school? Sophia will probably kill me because i ran away from her.

We sat on the couch for about 2 hours now. I stopped crying a while ago but i still lay in his arms. My eyes were getting heavy from all the crying. I drifted off in a sleep, that i really could use. When i opened my eyes again i found myself in the same room as i slept yesterday. It was storming outside and i was getting scared. I am scared of almost everything, i'm weird i know. People call me weird, but i'm used to it. The thunder was getting louder and i jumped out of my bed. I searched for Liam his room, i walked around the apartement and finally found it. I stood in the doorway with the hood of my hoodie covering half of my face. "Liam" I said a couple of times but he didn't response. I got closer and tapped on his arm, he moved a bit but still didn't wake up. "LIAM" I screamed with tears in my eyes. Liam fell out of his bed and groaned. I couldn't help it but laugh away the tears. "Amber, what's wrong?" He immediately stood up from the ground an grabbed my schoulders to see if i was okay. "Can i.. uh.. i'm scared of thunder." I looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes. "No need to worry, you can stay here if you want?" I still looked down, i didn't dare to look at him. "Hey, i won't do anything you know that right?" I nodded slowy and lay myself down in the big bed. The thunder keeps making horrible sounds and i shriek everytime i hear something. "Calm down, it's nothing, you're save in here." And he puts his arms around me so i wouldn't be scared anymore. He was right, i felt save here, safe in his arms.

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A/N:

Sorry it took so long!  Lucy Hale as Amber, such a innocent school girl awww

xoxo Fem