We're back where we first met.
But the doctor says you're not supposed to have a lot of coffee anymore, because the caffeine and sugar aren't helping your heart piece itself back together again. So instead, you ask for a glass of water. To make you feel like you're not alone, I make it two.
I send the waiter a grateful smile, as he hands me two small glasses.
Two half-empty glasses of clear, tasteless liquid.
We walk towards our usual table, but we don't sit down. Our eyes lock, when we both realise our cosy spot is occupied by two boys slightly older than us.
Their intertwined hands are in the centre of the table, and I can tell by the twinkle in their eyes, that they wouldn't rather be anywhere else.
I know, because it's the very same twinkle I saw in your eyes on the very first day I met you, and I'm pretty sure my own eyes were shining in the exact same way.
To this day, your eyes are still the same gems I fell in love with.
But there's something different in your smile.
It's not the same one I originally gave a shard of my heart to.
Since our trip to Hawaii, you've put on a brave mask, which would fool anyone.
Except me. I know you too well.
I think I'm the only one who can break down your walls and take off your mask. And everytime I do, I always see the same thing.
Pain.
What used to be a smile filled with love and warmth, is now just a void drained of light.
All I see is the cancer.
There are times when I think your smile is just barely holding on. Like it's a spinning top that's been teetering for a while now, but hasn't yet toppled over. Occasionally, it finds enough strength to push itself back upright, but other times, it can't spin any longer and just collapses.
Sometimes, I think you're only still holding on because of me. And though I hate to say it, I want you to let go. I don't want you to have to go through this pain any longer.
I just want you to rest.
We spend the remainder of our date sitting in an unfamiliar booth, trying to forget about the dark storm brewing above both of our heads.
All of a sudden, I notice one of the boys at our usual table stand up and get down on one knee.
Weirdly, I feel sad, and my heart aches. Like this is what we could have been. Right now, it feels as if someone is holding a gun to my heart, with their finger threatening to pull the trigger.
I see the other boy's face light up with nothing other than joy and love. He doesn't hesitate to nod his head and wrap his arms tightly around his fiancé.
Just like that, the trigger is pulled.
And just like any other time, I don't waste any time picking up the pieces of my heart to give to you.
