The Tudor Triangle

Chapter 7: I belong to him

Evening of 22nd August 1549

Stanfield Hall, Norfolk

I can barely breathe at supper, let alone eat. We eat in the Great Hall to accommodate the huge swarms of soldiers and our esteemed visitors.  It is a strange night, for though we have the most noble of guests as there is war tomorrow we are all subdued. There is much bringing forth of various dishes but I cannot touch one of them, not even the custards. I do of course keep a look out for Robert Dudley but the crowds of men obscure my view. It is so noisy, I cannot much hear my sister Frances who is chattering away about her wedding.  I am wearing my favourite dress tonight, this time with agreement and encouragement of my mother. It is a  forget-me-not blue satin dress, lined with pearls and embroidered with silver thread stars that glimmer in the candlelight.The underdress is in silver satin which complements the blue, I have only worn it once before.  It is only a few months old having been ordered from the best tailor in Norwich, with instructions that it must be of the latest style.  It has the fashionable high collar so favoured in the new kings reign. My hair is adorned with mothers much-coveted pearl headdress. Normally I would be delighted to wear a new dress but tonight all I can think about is Robert,

Robert Dudley, I say the words again and again in my head and replay our petal-flurried meeting.  I am sick with fear that I will never see him again, my stomach churns and my heart aches with the hope of seeing him tonight.  I cannot think of the morrow when he will be gone and Stanfield, for the first time in my life will seem so empty.  As I scan the room anew for him, Edward Burroughs catches my eye and smiles.  Only a day ago I would have smiled back fondly but now he reminds me of what my life will be when Robert goes. Edward is one of my favourite beaus; we have grown up together, he is from a good family and his father has even more sheep than mine.  He is not old, he is my age and considered a very good husband to be. But the difference between Robert and him was like comparing the stars to the mud.  Edward is kind but I confess, did bore me a little. Robert makes me feel like no-one else ever has,excited  and alive.  But, Robert has already left me with a feeling of dissatisfaction with my life, that three days ago I adored.  He has turned everything I was happy with to ashes,I can't help but wonder if I would had been better off never meeting him at all.

Frances is whittling again about her wedding woes when I see him, a line of soldiers file out of the hall leaving it emptier.  I see a group of men by the huge fireplace gathered around a table, talking animatedly. It must have maps of Norwich on it, which they will be marching on tomorrow.  A few are sitting down and one is standing up, opposite me.  He is a good thirty foot away from me but it is him.  It is him, my heart feels like it is leaping out of my chest.  I feast my eyes on him, he is such a good height and has a natural air of confidence and assurance.  He is looking intently at the maps but then suddenly looks over, straight at me. He stares at me openly and boldly holds my gaze.

"Don't you think, Amy...Amy?"  my sister's annoyed voice wafts over to me, disturbing me, I refocus back on her.

"Amy what is the matter with you anyway?" observes Frances " you have hardly eaten a thing." By habit she puts her hand to my forehead to feel it.

"Amy you are burning!" she exclaims. She is about to call mother, who will no doubt insist I be taken back to my chamber when I put a hand on her arm to stop her.

"Frances, no!" I say under my breath.  I may have only a few more minutes in Robert's company. Frances looks at me quizzically and then follows my gaze back to Robert Dudley.  I know I should be more discreet but I feel reckless, he will be gone tomorrow.

"Amy..." she says slowly "Amy...do not stare so brazenly like that" she rightly reproves me and I tear my eyes away from his to hers.  She looks at me earnestly and I know she has my best interests at heart but I just don't want to hear what she is about to say.