chapter 3

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It's been eight months since Michael died. Eight long unbearable months. I wouldn't say I was happy but things have definitely improved. I can at least go a full day now without bursting into tears.

Olivia seems happier, and in the evenings we like to watch home movies that Michael and I made over the years. Our wedding day, Olivia's birth, Michael's 30th birthday.

We snuggle up together and laugh our heads off.

Michael was always so funny and it really helps us to remember the happy times.

We miss him everyday but we're getting used to it just being the two of us now.

Mel pops round all the time to check on us, in fact she's practically moved in. She's constantly staying over in the spare room. She treats me like I'm made of glass, it's really sweet but beginning to get a little annoying.

"Mel you know I love you right?" I tell her one afternoon as we're baking cakes.

"Yes of course, why do you ask?"

"Because it's time you went home. I love having you here I really do, but you've got your own house and your own life to get back too. I'm okay now I promise. you are the best friend a girl could ever ask for. I don't think I could of got through the last few months without you, but I need to start standing on my own two feet." I tell her honestly.

She looks at me with a sad look on her face and for a moment I think she's about to cry.

"Aww Mel please don't be upset, I really do appreciate everything you've done, it's just.......

"Ha ha gotcha!" she interrupts with a cheesy grin on her face.

"Oh my God! your such a bitch" I laugh.

"I'll tell you what, I will go home tonight if you come out with me tomorrow night. There's a new wine bar just opened up in town, I thought we could check it out."

"I don't know Mel, going out drinking, I'm not sure if I can do that."

"You can and you will. Besides I've already asked your mum to come and sit with Olivia, so you have no excuse." She says with a devious grin.

"Okay but if your planning on getting me bladdered then forget it. A couple of drinks and then home by ten." I say seriously.

"your wish is my command," she says with a smirk.

"Your so full of shit" I laugh. "Your mouth is saying one thing, but your eyes are telling me the complete opposite."

As I get ready for my night out with Mel I start to feel really nervous. It's silly really, but it's been so long since I've been out socially and its suddenly just occurred to me that I'll be going out as a single woman. The thought alone gives me an overwhelming ache in my heart.

I decide to dress smart yet casual. I put on my new skinny jeans, paired with a black halter top, my fitted black blazer and the red Louis Vuitton heels that Michael bought me for my 31st birthday.

And there it is, that ache In my heart again.

Everyone keeps telling me that times a great healer but I wish more than anything that I could fast forward a couple of years. I just want to feel happy again.

I haven't removed any of Michael's things from the house yet.

My mum keeps nagging me about it, she says it's the first step towards moving forward, but I'm not ready, not yet.

Everything is just how he left it. Sometimes I use his shower gel and deodorant just so I don't forget how good he smelt.

I loved him so much, I can't bare to let him go.

I carefully apply my make-up and put my hair up in a messy bun. Once I'm satisfied with my appearance I head down stairs where Mel's already waiting for me. As I walk into the living room I'm met by a chorus of wolf whistles.

"Wow Dannie! I always knew you were way to classy to be hanging out with me. You look amazing." Mel says with a smile.

I beam back and give a little twirl. " Thanks, are you sure it's not too much?" I ask.

My mum gets up from the couch and walks over to me.

"Sweetheart you look lovely, now go and have a good time you deserve it. Me and Liv are going to watch a movie so don't you worry about a thing."

"Okay I'll try. Thanks mum" I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek. "Olivia go to bed when grandma tells you, I love you and I'll see you in the morning."

She gives me a wave and a nod as she prepares snacks to eat for their movie night.

"Great now let's get this show on the road" Mel shouts excitedly.

When we get to the wine bar it's crowded, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see that Mel invited Libby and her friend Amanda.

"Hi Lib, I didn't expect to see you here tonight" I tell my cousin as I give her a hug.

"yeah well you know Mel, she can be pretty persuasive" she says jokingly.

"Don't I know it" I say back.

The four of us stand at the bar and chat for a while, and before I know it were already on our third bottle of wine.

I look around the wine bar and notice a couple dancing in the corner, there's no dance floor in here and yet there clinging to each other like there the only ones in the bar.

When the guy lowers his head and kisses the girl affectionately on the fore head I instantly feel that little pang in my heart again. I quickly look away and swallow down the lump that's making its way up my throat.

I grab my glass and down the last of my wine. Maybe I'll get drunk after all, I think to myself.

We order more drinks and like I knew she would Mel gets a little drunk. She flirts like crazy with the guy behind the bar whilst Libby, Amanda and me laugh hysterically at her.

I spot a woman sat by the window with a young guy and for some reason she keeps looking over at me. At first I thought she was looking because Mel was getting a bit loud, but every time I glance in her direction she's staring at me.

She's petite with long blonde hair and something about her looks familiar to me . I'm sure I've seen her somewhere before but I can't think where.

I lean over towards Mel and try to get her attention without shouting. " Mel!" I whisper shout. She looks over to me with bleary eyes and I can't help but smile.

"Without making it obvious" I tell her." look over towards that window behind me and tell me if you recognise that blonde girl sat there." I ask her.

She glances over and stares for a minute, her face turns deathly white as she looks at her.

"Mel are you okay? do you know her?" I ask concerned.

She looks away quickly, "No I've never seen her before" she says.

"It's getting really busy in here, why don't we move on to the pub down the road" Mel says a little too eagerly.

"Okay I just need to pop to the ladies first. Are you sure your okay? You looked a little pale when you saw that woman" I say.

"I'm fine honestly, I've no idea who she is. I think I've had too much to drink that's all." She says with a not so convincing smile.

"Alright I'll be back in a minute."

I make my way towards the toilets at the back feeling slightly off balance from all the wine I drank.

Once I've finished my business and fluffed about with my hair in the huge mirror, I make my way back into the bar to find my friends.

As I reach the side of the bar where we were standing, I spot Mel in the corner in what looks to be a heated discussion with the blonde woman. Mel's waving her hands in the air frantically and seems to be having a right go at her.

I knew there was something Mel wasn't telling me, I didn't believe her for a second. What ever's going on Mel obviously doesn't want me to know about it and I'm really hurt that she would lie to me like that. One things for sure I'm going to get to the bottom of it, if it's the last thing I do.

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