Forgiven

Chapter 4

It's been three weeks since I went out with Mel that night. And during that three weeks I've seen her twice. She's avoiding me and I have no idea why. Usually I can't go a day without a phone call or a text from her, I wish I knew what was bothering her. She knows she can tell me anything.

I roll out of bed and feel around with my feet for my slippers, half asleep I bend down to look under the bed as I'm sure I kicked them off here last night. As I reach around under the bed I'm stopped suddenly when I feel the cardboard box filled with Michael's belongings. They were retrieved from his car the night of the accident.

Nearly nine months it's been sat under my bed gathering dust.

I know I should go through it, but at the time I couldn't face it.

I lift the box and place it on my dresser, determined to sort thorough it after work.

I'm opening up the shop today, lib's got an ultrasound appointment at the hospital. She's twelve weeks pregnant with twins and both she and her husband are really excited about it.

I remember that feeling well.

When Olivia was three I found out that I was expecting again.

Michael was over the moon with the prospect of having a little boy. He'd always doted on Olivia but like most men he couldn't wait to have a son.

On the day of my twelve week ultrasound Michael got held up at work, so I went to the appointment alone.

The minute the doctor pressed that wand across my stomach I knew something was wrong. He stared intently at the screen whilst moving it back and forth across my stomach.

The room was filled with a chilling silence as I waited with baited breath for the sound of my babies heartbeat.

That sound never came.

There was no heartbeat.

The doctor said that my baby had died at around eight weeks. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I just stared at him in shock.

They scheduled me in for an operation the following week to have the fetus removed. It was a tough time for Michael and I. I became depressed and took all my anger out on him. It wasn't his fault, I knew that. But I needed someone to blame and he was the easiest target.

We got through it though like most families do, but we never tried again for a baby. We were both to scared to live through it a second time. I let out an emotional sigh at the memory and make my way into the bathroom to get ready for work.

Once in the shop I try to ring Mel on her mobile, she'll be at work but that doesn't usually stop her from answering . Her phone rings and rings but she doesn't pick up.

Annoyed and frustrated I decide to leave a message.

" Mel it's me. I don't know what is going on with you at the moment but you can't avoid me forever. Whatever it is you can talk to me, you know that. Please just call me back, or pop round later. We really need to talk. Anyway I'll um speak to you later. Bye."

I hang up the phone and try to get on with some work.

It's been a busy morning in the shop, next week is Valentine's day so I've been flooded with orders for red roses.

At around two o clock my phone starts ringing in my back pocket. I take it out to answer but I don't recognise the number. Hoping that it might be Mel calling from a different phone I press accept and hold it to my ear.

"Hello" I say. I'm met with silence on the other end. "Hellooo is anybody there? Mel is that you?" Still no reply. In the background I can hear some sort of train announcement over a Tannoy. I listen for a second and I can just about make out something about Waterloo station. "Hello!" I shout getting annoyed. Still no one speaks so I hang up.

I rest my head in my hands and massage my temples. I can feel the start of a migraine coming on so I decide to shut up shop and head home early.

By the time I get home I'm pissed off and really annoyed that Mel still hasn't got back to me.

As I make my way up the garden path my ears are assaulted by the thumping of loud music.

Walking through the front door I'm stopped in my tracks when I see Olivia snogging the face off of some boy. There laid together on the sofa and I don't even want to think about where his hands were heading.

Completely livid I storm into the living room and switch the music off. "What the bloody hell is going on?" I scream.

"You!" I shout pointing at the petrified boy. "Go home!" He gets up and slowly skulks off towards the front door.

"Mum! You can't just kick my boyfriend out like that," Olivia says with not an ounce of shame at what I just caught her doing.

"Yes I can, the last time I checked this was my house and you are only fourteen. Your not nearly old enough to have a boyfriend yet. Go to your room, your grounded for a month."

"I hate you!" She screams at me and runs upstairs. She slams her door with an almighty bang.

Feeling tired and fed up I make my way upstairs for a lie down. My head aches right behind my eyes and I know that I need this headache gone before I even attempt to deal with my daughter.

I close the blinds and flop down onto my bed with a sigh. I stare up at the ceiling contemplating how I'm going to deal with Olivia. She's growing up fast and I think it's time we had a little chat about the birds and the bees.

I toss and turn for about an hour unable to fall asleep. I sit up and spot the box full of Michael's things sat on my dresser.

I pick it up and place it beside me on the bed.

As I open it my hands begin to shake. I don't know why I'm so nervous, this house is full of Michael's things. I begin taking items out one at a time. There's road maps, a couple of motorbike magazines, a torch, house keys. In a little plastic bag there's Michael's wedding ring. I knew it would be in there, I think that's why I've avoided looking for so long. I take it out of the bag and kiss it before putting it on my thumb. I reach inside the box and pull out his wallet. Opening it up, I smile when I see the photo he has of me and Olivia in there. looking through I see he keeps a few photos in his wallet. I flick through them and gasp when I set eyes on the last picture. "No it can't be" I whisper to myself as uncontrollable sobs take over my shaking body.