Nya's Diary

Sucide Notes/Sad

The trashcan in my room is overflowed mostly because of all my suicide notes

Sometimes I pretend I'm okay because I don't want to annoy people with my problems

I'm constantly afraid that I'm not good enough, am I good enough for u

It sucks. U wanna know what sucks I'll tell u what sucks feeling like your not good enough sucks.

When I say I'm ugly that's because I am not because I want u to lie to me and tell me I'm not, basically what I'm trying to say is my problems are real I'm not trying to get attention by confession my problems.

I can't picture anyone having a crush on me.

I can't picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep.

I can't picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them, or even just smiled at them.

I can't picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we're talking. I mean like...

Why would they even do that?

I'm just me. Nothing extra ordinary,or special.

I hide all my agony with a fake smile

my insecurities have ruined so many things.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be happy with myself I worry that if I can't be happy with myself,then nobody will ever be happy with me, and that just makes me even more paranoid. its a cycle, insecurity, unconfidence, and diffidence, and its destroying me.

The only thing I learned from love is the power it gives someone to crush you.

Pain is the only thing that's telling me I'm alive.

My pain turned to sadness and my sadness turned to anger. My anger grew into hate and I have forgotten how to smile.

Everyone says that love hurts but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuse these things with love

I said: give me a definition of loneliness.

You said: When no ones there beside you.

I said: What if your even lonelier than that?

You said: Then when there's no one to love you.

I said: Define the greatest loneliest of all.

You said: When no one understands you.

Being left out is really really horrible, but you can't say anything without sounding jealous or like a cry baby.

I'm tired of crying

I'm tired of yelling

I'm tired of being sad

I'm tired of pretending

I'm tired of being alone

I'm tired of being angry

I'm tired of feeling crazy

I'm tired of feeling stuck

I'm tired of needing help

I'm tired of remembering

I'm tired of missing things

I'm tired of being depressed

I'm tired of being different

I'm tired of missing people

I'm tired of feeling worthless

I'm tired of feeling empty inside

I'm tired of not being able to just let it go

I'm tired of wishing I could just start over

I'm tired of dreaming of a life I will never have

I'm tired of caring about what people think of me

BUT MOST OF ALL, IM JUST TIRED OF BEING TIRED

I'm done trying if u want me in your life, let me know. Bye.