Nya's Diary

Last note

I just want to say Thank you God for giving me everything I've ever had, I've held on to it for a long time now it's time to let it go.

when I perform dis deadly sin I hope everyone can forgive me and understand why I did it.

I did it because I've been depressed lately and I held on to all of my problems that every crossed my path that the pressure built up and I just couldn't go Another day,

To all the bullies the ones that liked to see me mad and cry

WHY DO U LIKE TO SEE ME SO MAD AND MAKE ME CRY I KNOW U DONT CARE SO JUST STOP PRETENDING YOU CARE I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND IF U DONT LIKE ME JUST AVOID ME WHY DO U HATE ME YOU DONT KNOW ME OR MY FULL LIFE STORY OR WHAT IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH LATELY OR ANY OF THE PROBLEMS I HAVE TO FACE SO WHY TRY TO MAKE ME MISERABLE SO IM ABOUT TO DO WHAT YOUVE BEEN WAITING FOR AND I HOPE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

when I go just remember me as

The girl who lay in her bed and think of everything she fuc**d up on in her life

The girl who

Hid all her sad feelings

She hid it all behind a smile

A smile that everyone believed

A smile that told everyone she was happy

Little did they know

That she crys at night

Telling herself things

No one should ever say

She dropped her smile

And told herself

"I can't do this anymore"

"I give up"

A girl who

Hate herself more and more

Every day

Can't stand looking in

The mirror

Can't stand hearing

The sound of her voice

Her hatred is

Consuming her

Every thought

She wants to love

Herself again

A girl who

Is hurt

She wants to be gone

She can't deal with the pain

She can't go on

She wants to give up

She wants to give in

She wants to be happy

But never is in the end

She judges herself

Others judge herself too

Do you know what it feels like

To be trapped in your own mind

To hate yourself more then you can imagine

To have nobody care

To feel alone

To feel empty

To not want anything to do with the world

To have your whole family hate you

To cut yourself just to remember you still feel

To have suicidal thoughts

To cry yourself to sleep

To just want to shut off from the world

To just want to end it all

To care about someone only to get hurt in the end

To rise only to fall

To fu*k everything up

To live with so many regrets

To ruin everything

To take all the blame

To feel so low

To feel depressed

Do you know what it feels like

Because I do and I hate it

I didn't need you to fix me I needed you to love me while I fixed myself

But before I take this last step all I want to know is why, why do you hate me what did I ever do for you to hate me?