Not Always As It Seems | TsukkiYama

In Which Literally Everything Goes Wrong

holy fuck??? i forgot all about this im so sorry. this isnt all that good since it was written within an hour, but i hope you guys enjoy!!!! another warning lol. angst, homophobia, internalized homophobia, self-hatred, panic attacks, violence, stuff like that. these two kids cant catch a break, but hey, were one more chapter towards figuring out whats wrong with yams lol

The next day, Daichi and Sugawara both felt practically suffocated by the feeling that something bad was going to go down. Daichi had received word from Yamaguchi's mother that he would be attending school that day. Even before either he or Tsukkishima entered the gym, they could feel the thick tension in the air.

As the members started trickling in one by one, they felt themselves growing more anxious. First Kiyoko, then Asahi, then Yachi, once Tsukkishima had entered te gym, the dread weighing down on their chests became heavier. Next Ennoshita, then Ryunosuke, Nishinoya,and then, Yamaguchi.

They shared a glance, everything was eerily silent, the calm before the storm.

Well, this was going to go just lovely.

~~~~~

Yamaguchi wanted to cry. He would rather be anywhere else but here. Tsukkishima was too close for comfort, and he could feel his anger radiating off of him. He wanted to apologize, to tell him he was sorry for being such an awful, disgusting person. He wanted to tell him why, to tell him that he shouldn't waste his time on the likes of him. There was so much he wanted to say, but he knew Tsukki didn't want to hear his voice.

Other than that, practice went on as usual. Occasionally he would catch either Sugawara or Daichi giving him or Tsukki a sorrowful look. He tried his best to not let anything affect his performance during practice, but that was easier said than done. He had always had a hard time with receives, but today, it was worse than usual.

The ball was up in the air, it was so close to his arms, it should have been easy. But as soon as the ball made contact with his forearms, it somehow slipped and fell to the ground. Yamaguchi tried to shake it off, but then Tsukkishima decided to comment.

"God, can't you do anything right?!?" Tsukkishima shouted, startling everyone. "Are you so incompetent that you can't even make a receive as easy as that?!?"

Yamaguchi felt his eyes water. He felt his chest compress and everything turned to white noise. He could barely make out Coach Ukai scolding Tsukkishima. He felt someone place a hand on his shoulder and looked over to see Sugawara standing  behind him.

"If you need to, you can go get changed." Yamaguchi shook his head, and Sugawara gave him a worried look.

Practice went on tensely, each time he messed up Tsukkishima would yell at him, which made him more on edge. By the time it was over, Yamaguchi rushed to change. Occasionally he would look over his shoulder to see Tsukkishima glaring at him. He and Tsukkishima finished changing at the same time. On his way out, Tsukkishima shoved him back. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, but he tried to pay it no mind.

~~~~~

Tsukkishima had no fucking clue what he was doing. He wasn't angry at Yamaguchi, but how else was he supposed to deal with the situation? He wasn't sure what he felt. He was upset, sure, but he definitely knew that he shouldn't take it out on Yamaguchi. He was probably disgusted with him by now. He had every right to, he was a disgusting gay, disgusting disgusting disgusting.

He heard laughing coming from the classroom. He braced himself for someone to call him some stupid name when he walked in, but he hadn't expected to walk in and see his desk covered in profanities. Words like "disgusting queer" and "f*g" littered his desk. Tears sprung in his eyes, he heard footsteps behind him, a pause, then heard a familiar voice whisper that all-familiar nickname. He turned to see Yamaguchi, wide-eyed and still. He didn't know exactly what went off inside of him, but the next thing he knew he closed his eyes and swung his fist at Yamaguchi.

Luckily, the punch only landed on the other's solar plexus. But when he opened his eyes, he saw him on the floor. Yamaguchi was crying, and he looked so afraid.

"What the hell Tsukkishima? Just because you're a queer doesn't mean you have to take it out on Yamaguchi." he heard one of the boy's sneer

He had really fucked up this time.

~~~~~

His chest hurt, everything hurt really. It was like all of the oxygen in the room was unavailable to him. He could make out the other boys yelling at Yamaguchi, all of the voices overlapping overwhelmed him.

He watched the teacher come in, but from there everything was a blur of static. The next thing he knew his mother was by his side. What happened from then on is unclear in his mind. All he really knew for sure was that his mother took him home for the rest of the day.

Tadashi heard a knock on his bedroom door. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he muttered a quiet 'come in'.

"Tadashi? Are you feeling better?" his mom asked as she entered the room, he only nodded in return.

"Has everything been okay lately? Is there something going on between you and Tsukkishima?" she asked.

"No, why?" he replied.

"Well, he did punch you, what's going on?"

"It's nothing, mom."

"Sweetie," she took his hands in hers, "you know you can talk to me, right? Tell me what's going on."

He gulped, then spoke.

"Do you...ever feel like that you can't do something because...there's something wrong with you?"

"What do you mean, Tadashi?"

"I mean...imagine there's something that it seems like everyone else wants, that everyone else craves...except you. Something that's pretty much mandatory for something but you just...don't really experience that sort of crave for it."

She knew what her son was talking about. She knew how insecure he was about it, she and Tadashi were very open with each other, so she understood how much this particular subject upset him.

"You know...it really isn't mandatory. Anyone who thinks so isn't worth your time." She paused, then stood up and made her way over to the door. "Take some time to think it over, hope you feel better." With that, she left the room.

He laid back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Was he making too big of a deal out of it? He didn't think so, after all, he was pretty much a freak of nature, no matter how you look at it. Tsukkishima didn't deserve a freak, he didn't deserve someone like him. He already held him back enough, he didn't want  to become even more of a burden.

~~~~~

Tsukkishima was 1,000% sure he was the world's shittiest person.

After being severely reprimanded by the principal and teacher, he was also sent home for the day. After being scolded by his mother, he went up to his room despite his  mother questioning what the hell he was thinking. Truth be told, he didn't know. Tadashi didn't deserve what he did to him, but he seemed a convenient vent for his anger at the time. He wanted to cry, but knew he didn't deserve to.

He wanted to apologize, whether or not he was forgiven or not didn't matter. All that mattered was Yamaguchi. He picked up his phone, tempted to text or call the other, but decided against it. He had to talk to him in person.

He had to fix this.

ill definitely try and make the next update come sooner, in the meantime, please forgive me if i am a little slow. my health hasnt been great as of late, but since im getting better, expect the next update hopefully by next week~ also, feel free to comment why you think our bby yams rejected tsukki~~~