Not Always As It Seems | TsukkiYama

Confession gone wrong

Remember how Tsukkishima had two options for when he decided to start ignoring Yamaguchi? To either confess or wait until the feelings went away? Well, given that the latter had failed miserably, it's only natural that he had to confess. Well, he didn't necessarily have to, but this nagging feeling wasn't going away anytime soon. 

The rest of the week flew by in a breeze, and just when Tsukkishima thought he couldn't get any gayer, he started noticing the littlest things about Yamaguchi. Like how his freckles resembled the stars in the sky, making patterns and constellations. Or how when he was zoned out, his eyes looked as if they were holding back. When he had returned to practice, he could feel Daichi's questioning gaze on him, but he chose to ignore it. 

He tried to pretend that he couldn't feel some of his classmates glaring daggers at him. He knew that they were jealous, they want to spend more time with Yamaguchi. Kei couldn't help but feel a little smug. He wondered if any of them held feelings for Yamaguchi like he did. Maybe so, he honestly couldn't blame them if they did. But Tadashi was his, at least, he hoped so.

Once he had begun talking to him again, he had taken to using Yamaguchi's first name. Never out loud though, only in his thoughts. Maybe one day, if things went his way, he would say it out loud.  

But with all of that said, he still didn't exactly feel any better. There was the chance that Tadashi would reject him. Was it worth it, to risk their friendship over that? Could he learn to be content with being just friends? He wasn't sure. Even if Yamaguchi were to accept his feelings, they would have to keep it secret. When it came to gay relationships, Japan only accepted it when it came to the publics' viewing pleasure, rarely were real life gay people actually respected. 

Then again, he honestly didn't give a fuck, he knew his teammates would be accepting, and so long as Yamaguchi was happy, he was happy too.

~~~~

There's something about not knowing. Not knowing how someone felt about you, if they were just being friendly, or expressing their interest. He had had girls confess to him in the past, and he had never understood why they were always so nervous, until now. The feeling of your heart beating so loud you're worried they can hear. Worried that you think about them so much that they know. Worried what their reaction will be when you finally get the guts to confess. He wasn't at that stage yet, but he could imagine how shaky his hands would be, how close he would be to tears, how much he would want to run away and hide at the fear of rejection. 

These thoughts interfered with him almost as much as the ones that he had when he had ignored Yamaguchi. It was the worst at practice, when he was in such close proximity of the other. He looked over to Yamaguchi, he wasn't even aware of it until Hinata spiked the ball, right into his face. He hit the ground, and he could hear his glasses clattering to the floor, along with everyone rushing over to him in panic.

"TsukkishimaI'mSoSorryIDidn'tMeanToHitYouAreYou-" Tsukkishima cut him off,  sitting up and rubbing the area where he got hit.

"I'm fine, you can shut up now." he growled. He turned his head slightly, and golden eyes met hazel ones. The concern written on Yamaguchi's face was almost heartbreaking.

"Tsukkishima, can we speak to you for a moment?" Suga asked quietly, Tsukkishima nodded. He rose up to his feet and followed Daichi and Sugawara over to a quiet corner in the gym.