The Struggle

The Attempt

The night continued on, mom came home around 8:00 pm. I was thinking about how I was going to go through this. Then 10 o'clock rolled by. I said goodnight to my mother. As I hugged her, tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized that this was going to be the last time that I was ever going to see her.

I went back to my room and grabbed one of my sling bags and started to pack, I grabbed a blanket, a razor blade, a bottle of acetaminophen (Tylenol), and a rope. I grabbed a notebook and started writing my final goodbye.

It said "Please forgive me mother, for this was not your fault, so please do not think that it was, I cannot deal with getting bullied any longer, please do not try and find me. I can't deal with getting blackmailed anymore, it is to much for me to handle, I'm sorry for everything that has happened these past few months, you have tried your best to help, and I thank you for that, I never wanted any of this to happen, I wish none of this happened, I love you so much. Sincerely, Your Daughter. I slide the note underneath my mother's door, throw the sling bag on my back grab my shoes, and head out the door, being as quiet as possible. As I stepped outside, I felt the cold air against my face, I started to walk. I decided that I would go to a place that I always used to go when I was a child. It wasn't too far from my house, as I walked across the town towards the building cars pass by me, one by one, sometimes it would just be a single car, they probably looked at me like a was insane because I was out this late, but I didn't care, about 5 minutes after I left my home I reached the abandoned building. The building itself was decaying and crumbling, a few more years and it would be only rubble. I step into the doorway that was now only a hole in the wall. I remember this place so vividly, like it was only yesterday when I would come here with Bryce, Jamie, and Izzy, and we would mess around. Those were the good old days. I miss those days, I see a hole in the roof that has collapsed under the pressure of nature, underneath the hole was a pile of rubble. I started to climb on top of the old concrete, once I get half way, rocks start to slip out from under the weight of my body and roll down the pile. The rocks hit the concrete below smashing them even more. Once I get to the top of the pile, I reach my hands up and grab on to the roof. I struggle to get on top of the roof, but eventually I pull myself up. I walk along the length of the roof finding a sturdy spot to lay down my blanket, after searching for a little, I found one. I set my bag down and opened it, I pulled out the blanket and lay it down on the roof, I sat on top of the blanket and took out my phone, I knew that Izzy was still awake at this time. So I decided to text her.

I started the conversation by saying "Hi."
She read it right away and responded with "hey."
I continued with "I can't deal with the pain anymore Izzy."
"What are you talking about, are you ok?"
"No, I'm not, I can't go on living this way."
"Ok wait a minute don't do anything drastic, where are you?"
"I'm at the building we all used to go to when we were children."
"I'm coming now, do not do anything, stay where you are."

I didn't even reply, I really didn't want to explain things right now. I took the Tylenol out of my bag, and popped at least 35 of then, I can't remember how many exactly. Izzy arrived at the building and made her way on top of the roof. She ran over to where I was and immediately found the bottle of pills on the blanket. She called 911 and frantically told the operator what was happening, tears filled her eyes and started streaming down her face as she watched me pass out. The next thing I remember was that I was in the hospital with my mom and izzy by my side, as my eyes adjusted I could see more clearly, there was light coming in from outside, it was daytime. My mom was asleep in the chair next to me and izzy was the first to come to my side, I was very weak and couldn't really talk. Izzy went and told a doctor that I was awake then came back in and woke up my mother. A saw a piece of paper in her hands as she sat up to look over at me, I inferred that it was the note that I slipped under her door the night before. Doctors rushed into the room and escorted izzy and my mom out of the room. I didn't want them to leave, but just as I was about to try and say something, my vision went blurry again and I passed out.