Difference is My Middle Name.

Part 8

I slowly saunter into the front doors of the school. No one greeted me or made me feel uncomfortable. I had to admit I kind of liked that.  Although I didn't like the fact that everyone was either staring at or talking about me. "Naomi told me that he kissed Reese" one girl said t o her group of friends.

     I proceeded walking down the hall, i saw Michele coming straight for me. "Finn." she said bluntly "I just wanted you to know that I'm glad we didn't start a senior freshman relationship like I had wanted before, because I would look bad if I were to be dating the gay of the school. So it's totes fine and I forgive you for what you have done." "For what I've done?" I questioned her ability to have an educated conversation with anyone. "Yes I mean why would you pretend to be gay just so you don't have to date me, I mean okay I guess I understand you don't want to be with me, but you didn't have to kiss that one kid."

     I walked aways from michele without replying to her. If she thinks that I did it so I wouldn't have to date her, then is that what everyone else thinks to? Do they think I did it so I didn't have to date Alice? No that can't be right Michele is stupid enough as is I'm sure it's just her.

     I saw Alice walking down the hall with her relief society right behind her. She walked right past me, Kait giving me a nasty stare as we passed. What is wrong with these people?

     I didn't want to go to percussion I knew Reese would be in there,  I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to have to be in a class with naomi, i didn't want to be around michele, but I had to.

     I slowly made my way through the door to find that nobody was in here. I sighed relieved about that.  I grabbed a chair off of the pile and sat down in it waiting for class to start.

     The bell rang and almost as if they were a part of a herd the whole class barreled through the double doors. including Reese. To my surprise Reese wasn't with the usual set of people we used to hang out with before he hated me that is. He was with Troy Maloney.  Troy had never once in his life liked me, or Reese, but I guess that changed. Why was he with him the only thing I remember about Troy honestly is that he didn't like us and Reese hated him.

     I shook it off. "Sit sit find a seat pull one up in don't care just sit." Mr. Dalton said. He pulled up a chair as well. Although to his surprise when he turned around to face his students they were all basically huddled in a corner. All of them except for me. Let me put it this way. I was alone Noone behind me Noone to the sides and no one in front. A confused look washed over Mr.Dalton. He glanced at Reese and then back and me. i looked at the ground.  He took the hint.

     The bell for lunch rang. I proceeded to walk towards the lunch room when i saw Reese and his goon walking down the hall. I tried to simply walk past them, but obviously that was to easy for Troy. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and dragged me down the little bit of hall we had. He shoved me into a locker hovering me above the ground. "Hey there little gay boy." He went to touch my face but I looked away. "So that's how it's going to be?!" He shoved his hand into my face pushing It against the lockers. "Listen here faggot Noone likes you okay? You would be better off dead. Go cut your little wristies you emo." He dropped me and walked away laughing with his goon buddies. I saw Reeses face. He was laughing along with them. I hoped it was a pity laugh and not real.

     He was such a dick to me, why did I care about him still? Why was I still hanging on to the every emotion I ever had for him?

     I went home after that. I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go somewhere else anywhere else. I was so infuriated.  Why the hell would anyone have to be put through all of this? Why me?

     I took my shirt off and looked in the mirror. I swallowed hard slowly turning my arms showing the scars on my wrists. I ran my hand across my jaw stopping it over my mouth. I closed my eyes. A single tear streamed down my cheek. I needed my medicine.

       Paul had the day off and was sitting In the living room slowly drinking hid alcohol "Paul where is my medication?" I demanded "Your pills?" He asked "No the vitamins. Yes the pills" I said scavenging through our medicine cabinet. "Gone." He said bluntly. I stopped mid - search. "Where gone...?" I asked swallowing hard "Disposed somewheres." He replied. I clenched my fist. "Why?" I said gritting my teeth. "Your happy now kid." He said without even smiling. "You would know wouldn't you."

     I went back up to my room. I grabbed my hair. "God dammit!" I screamed. "God... Dammit!!" I kicked my bed. I stripped down to my boxers. I felt confined and almost held down in my clothes. I crawled into bed and bit down on the corner of the comforter. A few tears streamed out of my eyes as I thought about what had happened earlier.

                               ...

     A gentle knock came from my door "Finn are you hungry you haven't eaten anything since Tuesday." It was now Friday. "I'm not hungry." I said gently back to her. "I'm going to leave this sandwich here for you okay?" she placed the plate into my nightstand and slowly closed the door. I had began to go stir crazy, but I didn't want to admit it and I couldn't leave without being threatened. What is one supposed to do. I took two bites of the sandwich and left the rest.

      I had dark bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. I would sleep about 4 hours every night. Did I know what was wrong with me? I knew exactly what was wrong. Was I going to tell anyone? Absolutely not.