Difference is My Middle Name.

Part 9

A single droplet of tears came running down my face. Why couldn't I shake this feeling. It was as if I had a massive headache, that wouldn't allow me to sleep or do anything. I thought again about my decisions. I closed my eyes and gently rubbed them. I needed to do it to help me.

     Paul never told my mother about the medication problem so I figured why should I, probably a phase anyways, it will pass. In the last 3 weeks I had went from a healthy but still very skinny weight of 184lbs to 156lbs. I don't know why I stopped eating. probably because my emotions were eating me from the inside out, but I would be fine.

     Alright I lied I knew it wouldn't be fine and I know it won't be fine until the end of the year. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I pace around my room heavily panting as if someone where suffocating me I had to do it.

     I took my shirt off and looked at the scars on my wrists once again. i took my pants off to reveal my scar wounds on my thighs as well. I couldn't help myself any longer i needed to get rid of the pain.

     I scavenged the bathroom for a razor, tearing the whole room apart basically. i found one. Gently i maneuvered the razor into my skin on my thigh. I bit my lip, it hurt, but some how it helped relieve the pain. I could feel the blood trickle down the side of my leg. I continued it was almost as if every emotion i was feeding on escaped through my wound. I continued cutting my thigh until i felt i had done enough. I looked down to see many new wounds on my leg. I felt terrible for doing it, but it seemed to take all my emotional pain and turn it into physical pain , which was something i could handle in a more controlled fashion.

     The night had passed and i got a few hours of sleep, my mother was making me go to school though. I didn't want to go.

     I walked in the front doors as usual, but no one seemed to be doing anything else other than either secretly worrying about my appearance or asking where little gay boy has been. I didn't want to be here.  I had no one to console me, no one to be there to help me through this, i was alone in this big world that i was forced to be on, but no longer would i be forced to.

                                      ...

     I went to the only teen club in all of the city. I walked through the crowd of enthusiastic teenagers making my way to the guy i needed to see. "Hi." I said in a quiet manner "You the kid?" He questioned. I gave him a nod. He grabbed my hand and gave me a bro hug.  I played along. "Alright man I'll see you later." I casually walked around like I had a reason to be there and then as soon as it started I was gone.

A/N oh no what does Finn have up his sleeve this time? its so sad that he has to go through this alone though.