I Don't Mind if You're Over Rated (An Austin Carlile fan fiction)

Chapter 10

"Wait! That's not what was suppose to happen! Let me explain!" Austin pleaded. I yelled back at him, "What wasn't suppose to happen Austin? I wasn't suppose to see or know? HUH AUSTIN?!" I couldn't stop it now, the tears were pouring now. "Babe," he began but I cut him off, "Don't babe me." He tried pulling me in but I pushed him away. "Don't you touch me." I spat at him. I jerked my arm from his grip and ran out.

I looked back and saw him on his knees with his face in his hands. The worst part was, I could hear him crying. Good job Gloria you did it this time. Go back and tell him you were sorry. Tell him you were wring. He should have a reasonable explanation. As I debated with my self, I sped all the back to the bus. I wish I had somewhere to go. I grabbed a razor blade and some blankets and ran out into the cold.

I found somewhere to hid so no one could find me. When I felt like I was covered I took the blade and sunk it into my cold shivering skin. It felt so good but at the same time, horrible. I haven't done this for almost a year but I guess I found my breaking point. I got at least 9 cuts on each wrist until I started hearing someone pull up to the bus.

I peeked to find Austin with tear stained cheeks running into the bus. I heard some slamming and things breaking. That scared me. I don't want him to get hurt or do something stupid. I heard something big drop and that got me up. I sprinted holding my heels in my hand all the way to the bus. I rushed in to find broken glass everywhere, no Austin. I looked in the liquor cabinet to find the whiskey gone. Okay now I was freaking out. I ran to the bunks to find Austin still holding the bottle unopened. He was looking at the stars crying. I saw a bottle of pills open though.

"Austin?" I quietly said. He jumped a little, but never responded. "Austin?" I asked again coming a little closer this time. Just as I was about to roll him over he said, "Don't touch me. What do you want?" I asked him as I was holding back tears, "Did you take those pills?" He looked at me with swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks and just pushed by me. As he was storming out he yelled, "No, but good to know you don't care about our relationship!" I couldn't chase after him, he had already stormed past Alan and Matti and into his car.

Alan went after him and Matti ran in. She stopped when she saw the mess and me on my knees on the floor crying into my hands. "What happened?!" she asked concerned. "Its all my fault." I whispered. "What's your fault?" "Everything. I should have saved him the trouble and never said yes." "Gloria. What happened?" Matti asked grabbing my wrists. Oh no, I never cleaned off the blood, plus the are fresh, they aren't done bleeding. She noticed the wet feeling on her hand. She pulled her hands away drenched in blood.

She looked at me horrified and that made me cry more. She grabbed my hands and looked at my wrists. She looked me in the eyes and I could see how scared she was. Her eyes began tearing up. Just at that moment Alan came running in saying something but stopped when he saw the scene. He sat down next to us and touched my wrists. I winced at the pain. "What happened?" he whispered. I just looked down and cried more. Alan pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. He stroked my hair and whispered in my ear, "Shhh everything is going to be okay. Austin is okay. Shhhh." I felt my heart slow down to normal speed and I began to stop crying. Alan always knew how to cheer me up, he was like the brother I never had.

I pulled back and he wiped my tears. He looked into my eyes and said, "Are you okay?" I told him, "No I'm not, but for now I guess I am." He nodded saying, "Now can you tell me, what happened?" "I looked down at my wrists and didn't look up. I told him, "Austin took me shopping.....I didn't know why but turned out he...he...he" "He what?" Alan asked. "He brought me to a masqueraid bal, because he knew I had always wanted to go to one. And when we had our masks on, we got lost from eachother. I saw him but the music started and I got swepted away...." I coudn't continue with out crying. "Is that all?" Alan asked confused. I shook my head, giving up an effort to hold back the tears.

Through my sobbs I said, "The guy that took me seemed annoyed because I was looking for Austin and not paying attention to him. I finally found Austin and saw him kissing another girl. He told me it wasn't what it looked like and I was so mad I kissed the guy I was dancing with then ran out. He chased after me and he tried to explain but I wouldn't let him and he tried to hug me, I don't know, but I yelled at him to not touch me and I ran off." I was crying hard by now. "Well what happened to your wrists?" Alan pushed. I looked away emabarrased and told him what haappened. When I got to the parts about 9 cuts, Matti couldn't contain herself and she ran outside crying.

"See I disappoint everyone!" I cried. "No you don't. You haven't disappointed me yet." Alan said trying to comfort me. "I should have let him expalin. I'm so stupid." I began as I could feel my panic attacking nearing. Alan freaked out when I started my panic attack, so he went and got Matti. She knew exactly how to calm me down. I was so lucky to have her, but I don't see how she puts up with me.

After Matti calmed me down, she began to clean my blood stained wrists and clean them properly, then wrapp them so I couldn't mess with them. Alan left Austin numerous texts and calls, but no answer so he went to find him. Matti began to clean up andwhen she was about done, she made me give her all my blades. It was hard but she is the reason I have stopped so many other things.

*******Alan's texts to Austin*******

Hey where r you? ~A

Austin where are you I'm worried ~A

Austin, Gloria is freaking out and she is hurt ~A

Austin are you ok? Please call me ~A

Austin, if you don't respond, just know we are worried ~A

We were sitting on the couch in silent. Matt, who was still trying to process the whole thing, asked me, "Why?" "Why what?" I asked back. "Why would you do that to yourself?" "Because." "Because is not an answer." "Because I wanted to." She began to yell at me and said, "GLORIA THAT'S NOT A VALID ANSWER! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF! WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE WITH OUT YOU? Gloria, you're my bestfriend, you know you can always talk to me, why would you do that to youself?" You really wanna know why? Because. last time I tried to talk to you, you blowed it off thinking I was kidding. This time you wern't here, and frankly the pain feels like reliefe from all the crap that happenes. And when I do enough I can let the blood flow and it feels like I am done with all the crap, then I feel the pain again and realize, though it was a bad idea, it was worth it." I stood up and stormed out. Alan left a note outside. It read, "Hey, I thought you were gunna come out here for some "air" so here is somthing to calm you down." I look and see a cigerett.

"Just one time." I thought to myself. I picked it up and lit it then took a deep long puff. I choked the first puff but the second one was smooth. Almost like I was a pro. Alan was right, it is a good relief. It felt good to smoke. Matti came out and saw me. She told me, "I know you need it. But only one, I don't want you messing up your lungs." she said coldly then went back inside.

Late that night, I was awaked by a phone call from Alan. "Hello?" I asked grogagly. "Hey, don't wake up Matti but I found him. We are gunna stay in a hotel tonight and sort things out and we will all talk after out set tomorrow. Now go to sleep and know everything is alright." I smiled and let out a sigh of relief. "Alan," I said, "thank you."