calm ㅣ taehyung

let's talk

아홉 - nine

Things were different now, and it scared the hell out of Somi.

It used to be all fun and games hanging out with Taehyung. It still was, but it was different now. At least it felt different to Somi. When she was with him, she was finding it more difficult to ignore the fluttering in the pit of her stomach and how she always felt a little dizzy these days. Her cheeks were tinted red more often than they were not, and Taehyung was always the cause. She used to be able to convince herself that she was just sick, but after feeling constantly 'sick' for the past few months, Somi couldn't fool herself anymore. 

As if Somi's personal life wasn't confusing enough, things had been getting weird at school too. Students had taken notice of the sudden closeness of Somi and Taehyung. Of course people would notice. Taehyung was known as one of the most popular guys at their school with seemingly never-ending amounts of friends, while up until recently Somi had only been known as the quiet girl whose headphones never left her ears. They were, in every sense of the phrase, polar opposites, so of course their friendship attracted some attention. 

All this new attention was unwelcome to Somi, but she couldn't do anything except endure it. She endured the feeling of eyes on her, constantly. She endured the dirty looks some of the girls shot her as they walked past her in the hallway. She endured the hushed whispers around the classroom, talking about how Taehyung could do so much better. 

Everyone adored Taehyung, and everyone wanted to be in Somi's position. Although Taehyung was indeed friends with everyone, he wasn't extremely close with anyone besides Somi. Many wondered how she did it, how she of all people became Taehyung's closest friend, and hell, Somi wondered along with them.

Because of all this new attention, Somi's previously rare panic attacks had become more frequent these days. They made her feel helpless a lot of the time, but Taehyung was always there for her. She had previously told him about her anxiety issues and he helped her through it every single time. He was only ever a phone call, a text, or a short walk away. He would drop whatever he was doing at the time to go see her, to talk to her, to help her. Somi felt awful about it, like she was inconveniencing him and she was nothing but a bother in his life, but Taehyung insisted he didn't mind. He told her he would prefer she talk to him rather than bottle it all up like she had been doing her whole life. He was always so kind to her.

"Somi?"

A hand waved in front of her face, snapping her out of her thoughts. Somi looked up to see Taehyung frowning slightly at her. "Is everything okay?" He asked. She wanted to tell him she was fine, not wanting to worry the poor boy even more than she already did. However, Somi could never bring herself to lie to Taehyung. "I'm not sure," she said truthfully. His eyes were curious, the crease between his eyebrows deepening slightly. "What are you thinking about?" "...A lot." "Is it too much?" Taehyung asked carefully. This was their code for when Somi was panicking in public, so not to bring attention to herself. Although there were only a few other students in the hallway they were currently standing in, even the attention of few made Somi's stomach flip. She wasn't panicking right now, though. There was no feeling of heart palpitations and sweating palms and shortness of breath that Somi had become accustomed to. Instead, all she felt was a dull ache in her heart. An ache that had been there since the last time Taehyung had called her special. An ache that was consuming her, but she didn't know how to heal it. 

Somi hadn't even realised that she was daydreaming again until Taehyung took her hand. "Is it too much?" He repeated. "No, no. There's just a lot on my mind today." "Do you want to talk about it?" Somi opened her mouth to say no, but hesitated.  Do I want to talk about it? She asked herself. Is that how I stop my heart from hurting? 

"Yeah," Somi heard herself say, although it felt like she wasn't in control of her own voice. "Let's talk."