Chapter 12

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AMBER ZAID

Desperate.

That's what I am.

Hysterical? Maybe. Soon enough.

I'm desperate to get pregnant but I don't want to show it. It'll be a sign of weakness if I showed Zac how desperate I was. But it's been two months and I see no signs of getting pregnant. The fertility treatment that I got was full proof then that means that the problem isn't with me. It must be with Zac. I will have to ask him to get tested for any problems.

However, his attempt today has me baffled. No on has ever done this for me. I haven't celebrated my birthday in over five years. I got so used to being alone that I never expected anyone to do something this . . . . Sweet for me.

I was grateful that my assistant called me in because it was getting hard for me to remain expressionless in his presence. I was relieved as well because we was beginning to get personal with me.

I mustn't let him. I need to show him his place. He can't know about me; I won't let him. If he breaks my barriers then there's nothing left in me but loneliness and despair and I won't be able to concentrate on my work if I got distracted like that.

I know one thing for sure; this marriage is just a means to an end. I know that my behavior will be a reason for him to leave me in the future therefore, I will not get close to him and I will not let him get close to me.

That's the risk that I have taken and I'm prepared to bear the consequences for this sham of a marriage. I know that I'm giving up on it or at least I'm willing to anyways, but sometimes, looking into his honest blue eyes, I can't help but hope that I'm wrong and this marriage might last.

But then, my mind recalls my goal and purpose for this marriage. Therefore, I will not allow myself to grow soft or let anything hinder me from my path.

After I was done in the ER, I sighed and decided to retire to home. But as soon as a I saw Haleema, my childhood friend, walking towards me, I had an urge to run away because i was about to get an earful from her. But I remained unfazed and walked.

"Wait there missy. You've got some serious explaining to do." She caught my hand and stopped me. I sighed and released my hand. "What are you talking about?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Don't give me that!" She snapped. Oh God, she's pissed now. She dragged me into her office and locked the door and kept the key so I wouldn't be Able to leave. I rolled my eyes at her-- so typical of her.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me that you got married? And that too to an American?" She yelled. I closed my eyes and began to massage my temples. "Haleema can we not do this now. I have a headache." I said in a low tone.

"Aha, so you admit it. Come here."

"Haleema I'm really tired so please can we do this another time." I asked in a tired tone because I wasn't in the mood to fill in any inquiries.

"Don't give me that bullshit Amber. I can't believe you. We've been friends since childhood. I have never hidden anything from you so imagine my surprise when I hear from the staff that an unknown gora came to see you and took you away. If I couldn't assume that he was your husband then I wouldn't know you better but because I do. I'm hurt Amber. How could you not tell me?" She rambled.

Oh God, here goes her sentimental rambling. I'm going to give Zac an earful when I get back. I had tried my best not to let anyone know about him especially Haleema but now that the cats out of the bag, I suppose I'll have to fulfil the formalities.

"Haleema," I started and stared at her. She had folded her arms against her chest and was glaring at me. I sighed. "I meant to tell you but I just didn't get the time." I stated.

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