True Love My Ass

21. Breakdown

This chapter has a Trigger warning regarding breakdowns and mental/physical illness! Read at your own risk.

This past week has been weird yet normal yet off, it feels like everyone's tiptoeing around John and refrains from talking about his kidnapping.

They're even nicer towards me, more than usual, and it's giving me a weird vibe. It's like they're trying to not open a wound, and become the mom who's overly protective of the injury.

Or like they're trying to disarm a ticking bombe.

Though it is slightly off in the office.

For the past week John and I have barely spoken, mostly because he's been in and out of court, and at the police station. I myself have been there a few times too to tell Sylvia in detail of what happened from start to finish.

But whenever we make eye contact it looks like heavy weights gets lifted off his shoulders, and he instantly looks more relaxed.

I can't say I don't get the same feeling.

Seeing him walk around the office, interact with his workers, make jokes, smile and laugh, makes me so happy of my decision to risk my life for him.

But his smiles and laughs are forced, if the others have noticed they're hiding it well or they just don't care, but I do. He's giving of the I-don't-really-like-you-but-I-must-play-with-you-because-mommy-said-so-vibe, one would usually give of as a child in kindergarten or preschool.

He's smiling with his mouth.

But I can't see the smile in his eyes.

They're hazy, and far away. He'll space off, but appear present as the others keep speaking to him like he's still paying attention to them. When in reality, I can see him relive his days being kidnapped.

He'll get this lost look over his face, and his "smile" instantly falls and he turns pale. The light shade of his skin when he does space out, makes his bruises pop even more than they already do.

It pains me to see him walk around like that, reliving probably the most terrifying days of his life, over and over.

Jonathan deserves nothing like that.

He deserves to be happy and live his life without traumatic events blocking his way to success.

Everyone in here thinks the same. I catch them whispering and mumbling to each other in the kitchen, their offices or I hear the women talk about it in the bathroom.

Someone knocks on my door, and I flinch with surprise as I stumble up on my feet.

"Come in," I say, but I can't even recognize my own voice.

I literally haven't said a word the past two hours, I was so lost in thought I even missed a call, but it was hopefully not that important since they didn't call twice.

Merle peaks her head in, and then pushes the door open to reveal the three little kids I asked for today; Joffrey, Jeremy and Jenny.

She doesn't say anything, she just walks over and wraps her arms around me. The kids stands still, Joffrey smiles while the other two keep their faces neutral.

"He'll be okay," Merle whispers.

I hug her a little tighter before letting go, she smiles at me then she turns back to her grandkids.

"This is Nitty, the woman I told you guys about," she says to them.

"Now be nice and listen to her, I'll be down in the lobby."