Love, Lust & Languish

Forgiveness

"All in all we are just broken bones and broken hearts."

     Flora got up, "do you want to come outside with me?"
I just got up without saying anything. We went to the balcony and she pulled out a cigarette, I've never smoked cigarettes but I didn't really care if someone else did.
"Do you live around here?", Flora looked at me.
I'm glad she started the conversation, "Yes, I don't live far from Tyler. You?"
"I live near where you picked us up."
"Oh, cool.", I'm so bad at this conversation thing.
"How long have you known Tyler?"
"Years. He's always been apart of my friend group."
"You guys are just friends?"
"Well, no. We were. And then we dated. That stopped but I think we're back to that now."
"I think I've heard Jay and him talking about that."

     I felt comfortable talking to her. She seemed like someone that wasn't gonna judge me. By the time we went back inside Tyler and Jay were awake but still hadn't moved from their spots. Tyler motioned for me to come over and kissed me. I don't know why he's being so affectionate. If he just missed me or if he wants to make up for things that happened.
"What's there to eat here?", Jayden got up.
"There's pizza in the fridge."
Jayden just brought the box in. There was a whole pizza, since Tyler didn't make me eat yesterday. Everyone got up to get a slice. Great. I just met two new people and now they're gonna question why I'm the only person not eating. Tyler picked a pepperoni off and handed it to me. Nice one, just put me on the spot. I just ate it. I'll be fine. I really won't, but it's fine.

     There was a silence in the room.
"Why is this pizza so plain?, Jayden broke it.
"Because normal people don't put pineapple on pizza, dude.", Tyler said as he got another slice.
Flora laughed, "I have to be home soon, guys."
Tyler picked up his keys, "We can go now if everyone's cool with it."
Everyone collectively headed towards the car and waited for Tyler while he put the pizza away and came out. Jayden didn't talk to me much, he'd just look at me. I don't know why. I never knew what went through people's heads when they saw me. I mean, they saw the scars. I was in a tank top. But I didn't know what they really thought and part of me didn't even want to know. In the car it was the same routine, Tyler's hand on my thigh and not much talking. I guess everyone was shy. Or not used to being around new people. This time, Tyler's grip was tighter on my thigh when he wasn't caressing my thigh. He kissed me at each red-light. I loved his lips.
"Love, ha.", Jayden said looking at us.
"Shut up, Jay. It's cute." She smacked him, jokingly.

     We were getting closer so I decided to ask Flora for her number, I wanted to talk to her more. She gave it to me as the car was coming to a stop outside of their neighborhood. After they got out of the car, Tyler kissed me for a few minutes. No talking, just his lips against mine and I had no complaints. Part of me felt like I was giving in too easily. But I loved him, a lot. I'm just hoping I'm not wrong about what happened before being a one time thing.
"You okay, babe?"
"Yes", I nodded.
"I'm off for the next few days if you wanna stay at my house."
"I'd love that."
"We'll stop at your house and get whatever you need."
"Why were you extra affectionate today?"
"Because I missed you being mine, I have to make up for each day I didn't get to kiss you."
I smiled. He was so lame but so cute.

     Now, we were close to Tyler's apartment. I leaned over and started kissing his neck while we were driving. I started moving my hand closer to his waist. He pulled into his parking lot. Without me evening noticing, he was pulling my hair.
"You like teasing me?" He looked at me.
I nodded and moved my hand lower from his waist. We started to head up to his apartment. We weren't even fully in the door before he started kissing me passionately with his hand around my throat. I never realized it before but it drove me crazy when he was rough like this. In a good way, of course. He picked me up and carried me to the couch. I loved being in his arms. The day was so slow and boring but it didn't even matter, because I was with Tyler.

I dozed off, laying in Tyler's lap. Hours must of gone by, it was pitch black by the time I woke up. He just looked down at me and ran his fingers through my hair.
"Do you forgive me?"
"I forgave you a while ago.", I looked up at him.
"Really?"
"I told you the other day, I could never hate you. I don't even blame you for what you did, I'm sure anyone wo-"
"Stop.", he cut me off.
"What?"
"You didn't deserve what I did. I mean, I want to be with you but you didn't deserve that. You're amazing and beautiful. I hate that I made you feel anything less than that."
"It's okay.", I sat up and kissed him.
I tell myself it's okay even when it really isn't. But I believed myself this time. I missed him and I felt okay and safe with him. He's always been one of my best friends but when I was his girl, it was different. Most of the time, I would spend the day thinking about calories or worry about how I looked. I'd weigh myself multiple times a day. I'm still me and I still have my issues but Tyler helps. I just hope I can be good enough for him.