My fault - His fault

Pain

"Liam," Zayn called softly as he pushed the door to Liam's room open. It was empty. He sighed.

He moved down the hall to Niall's room. This became more common every day. Liam would go to bed in his room and they would find him in Niall's room the next day.

Liam was sitting on the floor his back propped up against the wall. He was holding something, Zayn couldn't tell what it was, in his right hand.

Liam didn't look up at Zayn. In fact, he didn't even move.

Zayn slowly walked into the room, trying to ignore the sting from memories or the pain that came when he thought about Niall.

"Liam," Zayn crouched beside him, "we made breakfast. Do you want to come down and have some?" he asked softly.

Liam looked up and shook his head. Zayn could see the tears welling up in Liam's eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked

Liam shook his head again and looked at the photo he was holding. Zayn leaned over Liam's shoulder and he could feel his heart break. It was a picture of all five of them together, they were all smiling. Harry was... alive, and Niall was... well... Niall. He wasn't sick or broken. He was healthy and happy.

"Zayn?" Liam whispered, "Do you blame Niall for the crash?"

Zayn paused, thinking his words carefully, "Yes, I do. But I don't hate him for it,"

"Why? We should hate him, he killed Harry,"

"Because he was drunk, he didn't mean to do what he did. He hates himself for more then anyone else. He may have killed Harry but hating Niall isn't going to change anything,"

Liam started crying. The tears he had be holding back, finally began to fall.

"I'm so confused, it's like one minute I forgive Niall and I miss him, then I remember Harry and I feel so angry. I remember he's dead and Niall deserves to pay. Then I keep having nightmares where I'm the driver of the truck. I know I'm going to crash. I try to stop it, but it's like I have no control and it won't stop. I try so hard... so hard"

Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam, pulling him into a hug. "You didn't kill him," he whispers, trying to get Liam to calm down.

Eventually Liam's sobs stopped and he pulled back from Zayn.

"Zayn..."

"Yeah?"

"Does... does, Niall hate me?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"I could have prevented the crash,"

"Liam. You couldn't have stopped the crash,"

"Yes, I could. If I had just gone with Niall and Harry, I could have made sure he never touched the drink. I could have driven instead of Niall,"

"Liam, you're being ridiculous,"

"No I'm not! If I had just gone with them I could have prevented the crash. Harry wouldn't be dead!" Liam's voice was now rising and Zayn's rose with it.

"And what if it didn't prevent the crash? What if you landed in a coma like Louis? Or worse died like Harry did? What if I'd be the one to receive the call saying my band mates had gotten into a crash and two of them were dead, one was in a coma and the other was in jail? What if I had to watch Niall's trial alone? If I had to attend not one but two funerals by myself? If I had to watch Louis struggle to walk again alone? What if I'd blamed it all on Niall and never went to see him? I would have left him without a friend when he needs one especially since-"