A Summer of Discovery

Chapter Twenty One

The ride back to Fairview was blurred from the tears. I sobbed so hard knowing nobody could hear me. My stomach muscles constricted and my throat hurt, I couldn't bare this pain. It felt sometimes that the world beat us at every opportunity with a leather whip just stripping me down until my skin bled and my ribs cracked and nothing would be left as my heart laid bare taking every beating unable to fight back. I hoped in time we could co-exist in our family together and it would become bearable again but in reality I knew as she did that seeing each other with other loves and lovers would be soul destroying. There wasn't a thing we could do about it but face it head on. Lucy wasn't a second choice, I loved her, that wasn't fake or hard. In my mind I could see it clearly like I'm looking at the night sky and Lucy is clearly the moon surrounded by stars bright, graceful and comforting yet I know somewhere in another time zone is Lilly, the sun. I know she's there but I have to wait to see her again and when she arrives everything springs back to life, warmth and light radiates from her and I feel alive.

You can't live without the sun. That is the difference.

I wiped the tears away with my sleeve and turned into our road, the lights of the Mercedes catching Sam's figure on the porch. His cargo shorts were snug on his thighs as his knees bent on the step of the porch. His hand reached up and waved as I shut off the car. I checked the mirror one last time and threw on my aviators to cover up my red blotchy eyes. I coughed to strengthen my voice and grabbed my purse slamming the door behind me and heading up to Sam.

"Hey Miss Emery" He said pulling me onto the swing beside him, his large arms wrapped around my shoulders as his fist ruffled up my hair. "You know you're wearing sun glasses and its pitch black outside don't ya" He continued with a laugh.

I slid them down my nose and pushed them into my purse. "I'm feeling sensitive so no jokes tonight" I said through sniffs.

"What's wrong? Share with Uncle Sammy" He said rubbing my sleeve with his thumb.

"I've just seen Lilly" I responded looking down the road at Mr Montgomery as he put his trash out in his robe. Sam followed my gaze. "That explains a lot" He responded as he pushed his legs making the swing move gently.

"Since your visit I feel like I have pieced this all together. Lucy telling me you're gay and Lilly's reaction, her behavior when she's around you and yours for that matter. You're in love with each other aren't you" He asked.

I placed my head on his shoulder and shivered a little at the cold spell in the air. "Yes" I said placing my feet next to Sam's.

"Then why are you marrying Lucy?" Sam asked.

"Because I love her. I'm not letting her down. I can't hurt her" I responded.

"Yet you are willing to hurt yourself. To live a life with Lucy that is just okay?" He questioned "but not amazing, not the life you were born for." He continued.

"I love her it wouldn't be a bad life" I responded wrapping my arms around my waist as the chill found my bones.

"But she's not your soul mate is she Emery." Sam asked.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore" I said shutting it down. I sat up and fiddled in my purse for my cell.

"Emery Randolph this is serious. As your best friend I'm telling you that you need to really decide before you jump into a lifelong commitment with Lucy. There's still time to change your mind"

"No there isn't. You hate Lilly why do you even care"

"I don't hate Lilly I thought she was bad for you but if you love her. If she's it. If she's your soul mate and you love her then what does it matter what I think. You always told me I would meet my soul mate in time and that I would know when I met her and not to settle for anything less. You told me that so why are you" He asked agitated.