Dancing in the Rain ~ A Supernatural Fanfiction

Chapter 7 ~ Want Me Here

The thought haunts me as another week passes. The days are a blur of research, questions and the occasional fighting match between Sam and Dean. The research is leading nowhere, there's no one to answers our questions and with every fight comes more tension and tears.

Rain pounds on the motel windows like bullets as they yell at each other again, insults flying. I can't even remember how any of their fights start, they just do. And then it's hard to stop them. But this one seems so much longer that the rest and I don't think I can take anymore.

Slowly, I get up from the cheap table I've been sitting and reading at for the last two hours and make my way to the door. I don't grab the coat that Dean's been letting me borrow, just make my way outside, slamming the door behind me. I take a step into the dark car park, tilting my head to face the clear night sky and extending my arms in a circle as the rain envelopes me.

A corridor of light shoots towards me as Dean opens the door and steps outside, closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing D?" He yells over the downpour. "It's freezing out here."

"You got to learn to dance in the rain a little Dean." I say as I spin in a slow circle.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Nothing." I slow to a stop, not facing him as I say the words. "Everything. I don't know. It depends how you see it."

"How do you see it?" He asks, taking a step towards me.

"Well that's what I'm doing here, right? I'm not waiting for this frickin storm to pass, I'm jumping straight in." I shout, turning to face him as the last words escape my lips in a rush. "And I'm not sure I want to get out." I add in a slow, desperate whisper.

"What? You want to stay here." He says disbelief in his eyes.

"Would that be so bad?" The words seem to pour from my mouth in a blur. "The apocalypse is over, the leviathan are gone. Your here, Sam's here-"

"But it's not your Sam. And you know it. You can't just leave your little brother."

"Then I'll go back at some point. Dean, I just want to stay here with you for as long as possible." I say, my heart racing.

"Okay D, say you do stay for a while and then you go back. How are you supposed to tell Sammy that the reason you abandoned him, was for yourself?" He says calmly.

"Maybe while I'm not there time is frozen. So when I go back I can just return to normal."

"Oh yeah D, that'll work. Try explaining why you aged ten years in a split second."

Frustration takes over all my emotions, bubbling up inside me like lava. "Do you even want me here? Are you trying to get rid of me? Don't you want me?!" I yell, the last sentence a strangled cry more than anything.

"D." He looks shocked by my outburst, but the recognition floods into his eyes as it does every time I surprise him. The recognition that he would have done the same. "D, of course I want you here. I'm just trying to make it easier on you. Cause I know between me and Sam, I know who you would choose." He says sadly. My body earns to comfort him, to hold him, but his next words stop me cold. "You think I don't see it. The look in your eyes every time he walks into a room. The love you feel for him, and then the self-hatred because for a split second you thought he was yours. And every night when he falls asleep at the table with his head in a book, you think I don't wake up when you get out of bed and go to him. I do, every night. I watch as you brush the hair from his face, replace the book with a pillow and put a blanket over him. And then when you go to the bathroom, lock the door and cry. I know it's because he's not yours. So don't ask me if I don't want you here, I'm trying to make this easier for you, I'm trying to stop you hurting, even if it only makes mine worse." The last word is a whisper, but in it is everything. Everything that's happened, ever word shared, every unspoken emotion since I got here. This is when I go to him. When I wrap my arms around his neck. When I feel the heat radiating off his body. When I kiss him tenderly.

The fire with Dean is different than that with Castiel. With Cas it was all burning, red-hot flames singed my skin. Dean is more of a bright glow, as if he could warm everything with a single touch. His warmth reaches me through our rain soaked clothes. The cold downpour does nothing to stop it spreading through my entire body. Our hearts beat in unison, joined in a steady bond.

When I break away a thought occurs. "Why don't you come back with me? To my world."

"Deanna." He sighs.

"We could do it differently. Bobby, Jo, Ellen. They could all live, we could save them. We could stop the apocalypse without Sam ending up in the pit, stop the leviathan ever escaping Purgatory. Remember, saving people, hunting things, the family business. We could save everyone."

"Deanna stop. Just stop." He whispers. "I can't... I can't live through it all again. I can't go back, not ever."

The desperation in his voice halts me. I pull him close to me, stroking his damp hair carefully.

"I'm sorry."