blue » taemin

»I kept living my life

Every night, I'd go to work at the gas station, where I'd entretain myself with my phone when no one was there.

And in the first few hours of the next day, my colleague would come in and take over his shift.

I thought about you all the time too.

I kept hoping you'd come to pick me up. I kept hoping you'd kiss me and say you're sorry.

Even though I knew you weren't really sorry.

Of course, those were mere hopes.

I wasn't expecting you to show up.

Two weeks had gone by since the last time I saw you walk away from all my doubts and insecurities. Two painful weeks.

Didn't anyone ever teach you, a man should never make a woman wait for him?

Why did I have to wait for you everytime?

But the waiting came to an end on that morning.

It was around 3am.

There was a knock on my door and the doorbell rang several times.

I was convinced my neighbour was here to complain about her door not closing properly.

That's why I opened it.

I was certain it was her.

But why did you show up before my eyes instead?

I couldn't pronounce your name or move. I was shocked inside.

I wish I could've said something back then, anything would've been fine.

I'm sure you wouldn't have come inside and closed the door behind you so quickly, maybe you wouldn't have leaned in so suddenly and embraced me like that.

I wouldn't have shivered.

"I'm back."

Your voice sounded absolutely terrible. It was as raspy as I ever heard it, maybe due to the cold and the ridiculous amount of alcohol I smelled in your breath.

But it still eased my heart.

"Get out." I remember trying to kick you not only out of my apartment, but out of my heart that night.

But you wouldn't even hear it.