The Come Up

Chapter 31 -Thanksgiving Morning

I woke up at 6 A.M. and left the house without anyone knowing. I took the trip to Riker's by myself, I waited by myself. I sat on the cold steal bench in front of the glass mirror by myself and saw Trevon all by myself. 

He didn't react the same this time. His face was calm, his eyes were neutral, not warm but not vengeful. I arrived at the the Island at 8:30 A.M on Thanksgiving day morning. One of the guards had said that I was right on time and I beat the rush of visitors trying to wish their loved ones a Happy Thanksgiving, but I didn't come here for that. 

Trevon stared at me through the glass and I stared back. A few moments pass and he picks up the phone. 

"Where's everyone else?" He questioned. 

"I came alone." I answered. 

He looks surprised for half of a second. 

"I put some money in your commissary. So you can probably get something nice from the vending machine or whatever they have back there." I look down at my hands. 

" I don't need your money." He says. I nod, because I was waiting for it. 

"Well it's there so.." I sigh and he looks to the side then back at me. 

"I saw you on Good morning America." He comments. 

I don't know what to say so I remain quiet. 

"Funny how you get to live out the dream I introduced you to. How you benefit from Flex like he's your mans, like you did all that yourself." He shakes his head and I bow mines in agreement. 

"I don't deserve any of it." I admit. "It haunts me."

It seems to catch him off guard and it is quiet again. The jail is quiet aside from some guards mumbling personal issues to each other. I want to say it felt a little peaceful but the hard walls and stains as well as the man sitting in front of me with harsh eyes make it hard to feel that way.

"I messed up a lot since you've been in here and I know I don't deserve for you to love me again but it would be nice if one day you did. It can be years from now, I deserve that. But as long as it happens I'll be alright..." 

His eyes stare into mine and I cannot tell if he wants to kiss me or punch me in the face. A part of me hopes it's both, that might be the best case scenario. I sit my hand that isn't holding the phone in my lap to warm it. I know he must be cold. I was in a winter coat and he was in jail clothes. He doesn't shiver though. 

Maybe I've turned his whole body cold from the inside out. 

I speak hoping that I can warm him with my words but I am afraid he's already pass that. 

"I just want you to love me again, even after my mistakes." I say sincerely. But I move my eyes away from his. "I've never loved someone like this in my life. I've never loved a man, I don't know what I'm do-"

"I never stopped loving you." He looks at me with troubled eyes. 

"I ain't expect you to play me like that but I'll get over it. I don't know how to stop loving you Chanel." He speaks firm and his eyes seem far away.

"I've loved you for so long that just because you've literally turned my life upside down, doesn't mean the love is gone. Look at me." 

I realize that my watery eyes are peering down at my shoes. 

I look.

"I'm hurt as fuck. I don't know when I'll forgive you but I know that's a little easier on me if I do. So if I forgive you just understand it was so I don't go crazy in this jail cell. It's for myself... not for you."