In the Absence of Light

Chapter 1: Separation

Chapter 1: Separation

We were tired and ready to leave this mortal body behind. We again wore the ceremonial dress. Before us stood the girls that were ready to graduate to warriors and leave the city with their healing partners. The girls chosen as hosts were off to the side, ready to graduate into learning more of our mysteries. We knew that two were not ready, but the rest were ready. We had doubts early on, but most practiced till they felt sick, and then practiced more. War would tell which were truly ready, but we knew that the two we did not feel were ready would die. They would not be able to stand the hardships of war. If they did not die, it would only be because they came back to the city quickly and married.

Our Sister, Azirageanlara, announced that her students were ready to face the real world. She bowed her head, and lifted up her arms. We watched as our too bright sister moved into the realm, and left behind the mortal body she inhabited. We could tell the extreme was too much for the girl, and she collapsed into a heap.

We spoke, "The girls are women, and they are ready to try their wings. Release them into the world so that they may fight and serve us."

We raised our hands and tried to go, but realized we were part mortal. The mortal mind was us, and we were her. We frowned, and pulled the thoughts wrapped with ours apart. I screamed at the pain of loss as I watched what used to be myself move into the realm. I could still see the memories of the beautiful dark realm I longed to go to. I wanted to die so that I could join her there. I could still feel her in the back of my mind, but it was faint, something I would have to work to talk to her I used to be part of.

I felt myself collapse to my knees crying at my loss. Separation. It was a word I hadn't understood until I was cut apart into a separate entity. I was the mortal part that was our mind, and I was separated from everything I now understood. I keened with the loss of the confidence that was the immortal self I remembered. I remembered being Zedigrivikonola since light produced us, and we the gods and goddesses created the universe. The spectrum of light and color was us, but no more. Now, I was Dynara with memories and the abilities of a goddess held within mortal form.

Somewhere, I could feel the thread of connection to Zedigrivikonola that would never break. When I focused, I could hear her thoughts, and I knew that she could hear mine, but in her goddesses form, she was used to wrapping her mind around the entirety of human thought. At this moment, I could hear her thinking with Azirageanlara about how different this time was. They thought of me, and what I would be like. Azirageanlara treated Kyra like all of her hosts, stuffing her away in the back off the body's mind, and leaving her a different person who would not remember her previous self.

My mind left their conversation when a priestess came to pick me up. I shook my head and stood up. I was silent with the depression that set in from the loss of Zedigrivikonola. I could feel the priestess giving me strange looks, as if she expected me to snarl and start fighting.

"I am Dynara, and I was Zedigrivikonola. We combined, so I have been part of everything. The mortal part of us could not go back, so I was pulled off and left." The woman looked confused, but she seemed to understand I had something of the goddess in me, because she bowed to me in the bow one gives to a goddess. Then, she finally spoke, "I am a servant of the Lady Yayarachana, and I was designated to look after you, my lady. The Lady of the Absence of Light is known to often leave disoriented mortals behind."

"I am the first one the Lady Zedigrivikonola has tried this for. She will not do it again. The Lady of All Light left Kyra as she normally leaves her hosts though." I remembered the correct format for talking of the goddess after hearing the servant speak. A human mentioned no names unless she was a priestess of one, and then she only called that Lady by name, and she always used the title Lady. No one talked in the familiar about a goddess.