Shane - Moving on
Thalia cried herself to sleep in my arms. I couldn't push her anymore. I can't imagine the kind of stress she must have been under because of me. My fault, all my fault. I have made it worse. Oh god how could I have done that? How did I not spot it?
I guess it'd been better if I never complicated her life at all, on top of her home life.
We'd been sitting next to each other in biology for two month and I was still blown away by how smart she was. Thalia blurted out genotypes like a second language while I could barely tell you what shape DNA was.
"You're getting it," she smiled, her eyes all passionate and I couldn't help but think about how cute she was. Tucking a stand of golden hair behind her ear, she proceeded to colour code my notes, so it'd be easier for me to access on my own.
"You're a really good teacher," I laughed trying to avoid her gaze for the butterflies welling up in my stomach. "Far better than the one that's actually paid to ensure our education."
"It's fortunate I like it because if I don't like something I won't give it the time of day." She bit her lip whilst ruling under key words, eyes glinting.
"Ok when the words are underlined it means that you'll need to use them in extended answers or you could only get half the marks. And you're smart enough to get them all."
I felt myself flush. People didn't call me smart.
"Please. I'll be lucky to scrape a pass." I wouldn't meet her gaze, suddenly very focuses on my chipped nails.
Thalia guided my eyes back to hers with the tips of her fingers, causing my insides to churn. "I know you can do it. You don't give yourself enough credit. You're intelligent and intuitive and you have the ability you just don't believe in yourself the way I do."
"I feel like I'm drowning in my own stupidity and you're the lifeguard," I confessed, desperately wanting to look away to keep from blushing, to keep from blurting something out that could ruin everything later.
"I'm here whenever you need me sweetie," she said smiling genuinely in a way I didn't usually see.
I didn't want to be away from her. I was drawn to her like a magnet and I wasn't sure why. I mean I've had girlfriends but i had never felt as close to anyone as I did to her right now.
Breathing accelerated, " do you want to come over to my house tonight?" Fell out of my mouth before I could control it. Biting my lip I wanted to kick myself, thinking I'd scared her off , thinking that I'd made it all up-
"I'd love to ."
*
I was never ashamed of my small little house until that moment. She was special, I wanted to impress her and yet I was bringing her back to our dingy little house that was falling apart.
She however, seemed awe struck. "It's so sweet!" She crooned, racing to the gate.
"It's alright," I said, an exaggeration really as I dragged her straight up to my room, hoping to avoid the acrid cigarette smoke that clung to the downstairs walls.
She seemed transfixed by my walls, plastered ceiling to floor with little drawings, quotes, posters, photographs, tickets, postcards and maps of where I wanted to go. The room was relatively small with a dark carpet which his all the stains and a small bed I barely fit in.
"I love your room," she gasped reaching for my fore arm and gripping it. "It's so personal."
I awkwardly picked at my nails. "I mainly did it to cover the damp in the wall." I confessed and I wondered why I was telling this girl so much.
"Well I think it's wonderful," she said grimly but with glee in her voice as she turned to me.
Suddenly we were chest to chest and the atmosphere dropped. All I could she whet her eyes and how they shined with residual awe. It felt like years passed before I gave into instinct.
Before I could think, I leaned in a d pressed my lips to hers.
Okay I am very sorry for the exceptionally long hiatus. I haven't been in this account for a long while because I have had a lot going but I'm getting back into it. I've missed it.
Much love and many apologies,
J
