Two lost hearts (ouat peter pan book 1)

Rage and Stuborness

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Bella

I finnally had enough so I went to peters house and just sat there. My thoughts were turning dark again. I didn't want to but months without cutting and getting my stress and sadness out is really starting to hurt. I couldn't take it anymore. I imagined a razor blade but a sharp one a very sharp one. I looked in my had and there it was. Thank god it wasn't laced with poison. I went to the bathroom and sat on the floor after of course locking the door. I turned on the water to drown out the noise in case I start crying. I sat there and stared at it my arms out and ready to be marked again. Half my mind screaming to do it the other half was screaming not to. The one screaming to do it though won. I soon brought the blade down against my right arm and made knew marks. Fourteen on each arm. It burned really badly but I kept going taking out months of frustrations. But when I was on who knows how many marks and my arms were soaked in blood I heard a knock on the door.

"Bella you ok?"

Oh god it's peter. I quickly jumped up and hid the razor blade. I washed my arms as best as possible. There wasn't any band aids at all. So I grabbed my jacket and put it back on. Hopefully it won't bleed to bad. I turned off the water and opened the door.

"Ya I'm fine why wouldn't I be?"

He looked at me as if not believing but soon bought into my lie. He grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed. We sat down next to each other and just sat there.

"Peter your dying aren't you?"

He sighed and turned to me. For once his eyes weren't emoitanless but held a deep sadness. I felt bad.

"Unforutanly I am but I am doing everything I can. See if I get the heart of the truest believer I will be immortal again and then nothing can kill me. But the heart is we'll someone has it. That someone is Henry. I have to wait till he fully trust me. But I won't leave you. I don't care if it was a spell or what. Ok understand. Don't be stubborn just let go."

By the time he was done I felt blood dripping down my arm again. Panic rose in me cause what if some drops onto his hand or what if I don't know.

"Peter I just it's so confusing ok."

He sighed and we sat there but all I wanted to do was run to the bathroom to try to make the blood stop.

"What's this?"

My face paled. A drop of blood was on Peters hand. He was looking at me with care but I could see in the corner of his eye he knew the answer.

"Oh ummmmmmm nothing."

He shaked his head and went to pull up my sleeve. That's when I freaked out. I jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom. When I got there I glanced at my arm only to see the sleeve was half way pulled up. I was to late. He saw. I'm dead.

"Bella please come out. Please I want to help."

I was crying nonstop because all of this was just a stupid spell. I had to ignore my feelings. I couldn't fall for him. Never ever again.

"No one can help me peter."

Tears were flowing down my face. I curled in a ball and just wished for a giant hole to open up under me and to fall in and die. The door soon banged open and there stood a angry/very upset peter. I flinched and crawled away. He just he scares me. He saw how I reacted and hurt crosses his face. He sits down and crawls over to me. He just lays there petting my hair waiting for the crying to stop.

"At least let me heal them please."

I sighed and took off my jacket arms held out. I felt ashamed this is the last time I will let him see me like this. Probably the last time I will do this and be so kind like how I was before. His hands started to glow and he put them over my cuts. After a couple seconds they were gone. The scars extremley faint. We just sat there on the floor. Well I wasn't sitting more like laying in peters lap. Ya it's weird and probably the only time this will happen. I was to mentally tired to move I just couldn't make myself stand up and walk away. I guess crying takes a lot of energy out of you. Peter continued to pet my hair and I just laid there in silence.

"Bella why would you do that?"

I didn't want to answer him. Nobody should ever really care or know. Nobody does care but maybe Peter does. No I doubt it. He doesn't love me.

"I figured out something back in storybrooke I was broken and upset. Then I heard that someone I knew was dying and I just couldn't take it I guess."

Yep no matter how much I want to admit I do care about peter. A lot more than I should. It doesn't mean i am going to go back to how it was before so quickly, but I will be maybe kinder. i felt more and more tired and I think peter realized it.

"I won't leave you ever ok. I will get the heart and I will survive. Now let's get you to bed it's been a long day."

He picked me up bridal style because I am apperantly unable to walk on my own. I mean I probably can't cause I am tired but I mean I don't know till I try. He laid me down in the bed after the blankets were pulled back. Good thing these clothes are comfortable. Peter walked back into the bathroom and came back a couple minutes later shirtless......with black pants on. Ok control Bella Control. Do not let your mind wander or your eyes. Stay innocent stay innocent. To late my eyes wander. He smirked at me knowing I looked. Oops. He climbed into bed next to me and for once it felt like how it used to be before I was taken. He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't bring myself to sleep though. I know I needed to but I couldn't.

"Bella you still awake?"

I turned to face him only shocked to see his face centimeters from mine.

"Of course I'm still awake I can't sleep."

He laughed and slowly leaned forward. I scouted back but unfortanly there was a wall. He smirked at me and crawled over to me.

"Do I make you nervous Bella?"

I blushed but thank god it was night and he did see the color on my cheeks.

"Psssshh what no defeintly not."

He leaned closer if that was possible and brushed my hair out of my face. I just I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't. I mean I really like him but I shouldn't. Not at all. Nope.

"Don't lie Bella."

He leaned in and his lips brushed mine. I couldn't take it anymore I kissed back with everything I had. He smiled into the kiss. Probably thinking he won. In a way he did cause I mean he could die soon and before he does I want him to know. He licked my lip asking for entrance and soon we were making out. Ok why does this happen everytime I am in Never land? Soon we'll without me noticing it he was hovering over me. He broke the kiss and looked down at me.

"Bella no matter if it was a spell I will always love you."

As much as I wanted to deny it. I knew it wasn't just a spell I really did love him. I will help get the heart. He will live.

"I love you to."

He smiled and rolled off of me. He laid down and pulled me over to him. I guess it's back to using him as a pillow.