❣ His Glistening Gray Eyes ❣ //amoneki//

❣ I Almost Feel Human ❣

Chapter 7

...

There are many things I want to say to Kaneki. There are many things I have prepare on the tip of my tongue, and I'm almost shaking with anticipation for him to come back. I have so much to say Kaneki, and I need you to hear me out.

Kaneki kissed me, whether it was to seek comfort or genuine affection I don't know. If he doesn't love me back then there is nothing I can do. But to sit here and act like nothing's changed, I would be a true idiot.

I hear his footsteps and I immediately stop my pacing. Yes, at last, at last.

Kaneki and the guard appear at the cell, and the guard calls for the cell to be opened. When I see Kaneki's eyes the excited smile falls from my face, and I'm launched into yet another whirlwind of agony.

The bars open and Kaneki enters the cell. He looks scared, but he also looks hurt. He looks…incredibly conflicted.

I don't know what to make of it, but I can't allow myself to be discouraged now. I've prepared too much for this. If I say nothing I'll regret it the rest of my life.

"Kaneki…" My mouth dries up when that single word brings his eyes to meet mine. His gaze is potent. Words fail me. I don't know what to do.

I am surprised when it is Kaneki who speaks. "I am broken, Amon." His voice is calm, but I can feel the underlying current. Kaneki is…terrified.

He brings a tentative, shaky hand to his hair. "In my head…in the world around me…everything is shattered. Messed up. Things I see are a lie. I-I try to be strong, but I have no strength. I have no worth in this world."

My knees are shaking, almost bouncing off each other they're trembling so violently. His opinion of himself is wretched. I hate it, I fucking hate it.

I can tell he has more to say. I want to tell him he's wrong about himself (so goddamn wrong), but right now what I want more is to hear every single word he has to offer.

With fine tremors Kaneki's hand travels down his face, and holds his chest. His fingers clench tightly at his uniform. "But…you have shown me something. Awoken something. B-Because of you I h-haven't felt alone. I feel important, valued."

His eyes are glazed now, his face is distorted in self-hatred. "When our lips met I thought I was on a cloud. I lied to you Amon, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if enjoying our kiss makes me a horrible person. I'm sorry that I'm a monster. I-If you don't want to be friends with me I-I understand." His knees give out and he falls to the floor. A tear splashes onto the ground, and his laugh is disgusting, a mockery. "I-I just don't want to be alone. I'm so selfish."

For as long as I've known him Kaneki has always been so composed, so strong. He stood on a pedestal I could never reach. But, I never realized how much that pedestal was his downfall. I never realized how much he endured. Even now I see only a fraction. Realistically, I have probably seen little to none of Kaneki's true pain.

All this time I'd been forming the right words, constructing the perfect sentences. Preparing everything to be perfectwhen I finally spoke to Kaneki. Yet while I remained mute, Kaneki was the one who bled his heart out. He apologized for the kiss, apologized for liking it. He thinks he's horrible.

I fall to the floor too, not only to be at eye level but also because my strength has left me. I crawl to him, weak and anguished and god I need to make this right.

Kaneki's face is hidden behind his white hair, and I crawl until I'm directly in front of his small figure. I barely run my fingers through the soft, so soft strands. He looks up, and by his expression he looks ready to be hit.