Innocent Dangers

Part 34. (Taylor Jean)

Part 34 : I'm Still Sad.

*. May 21st .*

    I wasn't a virgin anymore. Is that bad or good? I wasn't sure but I guess it was good. I didn't think about how my first time would actually be and I knew that it'd be easier with someone that knew what they were doing and Jackson knew exactly what he was doing.

    That's the bad part of it all.

     Behind the terrible pain of losing your virginity, I was having doubts. It wasn't possibly the right time to actually have doubts as we were doing at that moment. But all I could think about was all the girls that he was once with. I knew I was definitely the worse out of all of them in this physical event because most of them were experience where as I didn't even know what hole was where he would put his thing in. 

     But otherwise, it wasn't bad.

    I was currently in my bathroom stripping my clothes to get ready for school. The whole school knows about my father and I believe not even one person cares that he's dead. Maybe Zoe, but she didn't count. I was somehow convinced to get back in my old routine and that involved Jackson and if I lost him again, I don't know what I would do with my life.

    I pulled on a dark pick dress. The top half was a plaid print with little star-like designs as the bottom half was cheetah-like print. I pulled some knee high socks that were a beige colour onto my feet. I then slipped some brown ankle boots on my small feet before grabbing a ring to put in my index finger. 

     After my make-up was done and my hair was somewhat decent, just pulled halfway up with a clip. I left the bathroom and Jackson held out my purse that matched my dress. I smiled and thanked him as I slung it over my shoulder. He smiled back and kissed me lightly before reaching for my hand and letting me lead the way out of the house and into his familiar car.

     He held onto my hand the whole way and I was just so happy that he was here again. I've never had that dark of a period in my life before and I don't believe I handled it correctly. He kissed my hand at times and kept looking over at me but I didn't look at his eyes because I didn't want to get hypnotized by his eyes.

    When the car stopped, I had the urge to glue myself to his seat so I didn't have to leave. He laughed when he felt my hand tense on his.

    "Come on, love." He said kissing my forehead and letting go of my hand. He unbuckled and came around to open my door. I stepped out and I stared at the school. Students looked at us and I ignored them.  "Have a good day, baby." He finally kissed my lips and they've been longing for his ever since he last kissed me. I nodded and he kissed my nose once before getting into his car and driving off. 

    I turn around and the school was just right in my sight and I didn't know if I wanted to walk forward or run after Jackson's car. But I was in heels and that wouldn't exactly give me much luck. I decided to face my fears and walk into the school. 

    I opened the doors and suddenly, the school was quiet. The only things heard were the little tiny whispers from my peers and the shutting of lockers. I started to walk down the hall as people spoke quietly to their friends on both sides of me. I felt trapped and I felt like no one was on my side. 

  I reached my class and every student did the exact same thing like they did in the hall. I tried to ignore them as well as I could but it was really hard. One person came up to me and said sorry but there was no point. It wasn't her fault and there was nothing I could do about it. I found a seat and sat there. I quickly pulled out my phone.

To : Jackson

From : Taylor Jean

Would you hate me if I wanted to leave at lunch?

To : Taylor Jean

From : Jackson

I would never hate you. Be in the front of the school at lunch. x

To: Jackson

From : Taylor Jean

I love you.

    The class started and I shoved my phone in my purse. Lunch was only about 3 hours away. I could handle it, right? 

     The teacher started to teach me stuff that was definitely useless for my pathway to success. I didn't need to find x because I was too busy finding myself. 

*.*.*.*

    It was about 7 o'clock in the evening when the delivery man brought our take-out. We ordered sushi. It was just Jackson and I tonight and I was starting to wonder if would do it again with me. I believed it was still a little early since we did do it yesterday. I just wanted to see if it would be better the second time around. But I never got the nerve to ask him.

     "You know what's weird?" I ask.

     "What?"

     "Isn’t it kind of amazing how a person who was once a stranger, can suddenly, without warning, mean the entire world to you?" I tell him as I take a bite of my California Roll. He laughs and nods as he tries to accomplish his chop sticks. I grabbed his hands and set them the right way where the chop sticks place perfectly between his fingers. He laughed and got a piece to his mouth.

     "Do you believe in love?"

     "What?" I say.

     "But I believe in love, you know? I don’t believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does." He pauses. "I mean, it’s not surprising, really. Once you love something, you always love it in some way. You have to. It’s like, part of you for good." He said. 

     "Will you always love me?"

     "I will always love you, even if we're not together." He said looking into my eyes. I nodded and bit my lip. He scooted closer and put his arm around my waist as I set my head on his shoulder. We just sat there for a second watching the candle burn quickly.

      His phone made us both jump and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket. I went to eating my food but when he got up, I got a little worried. I sat there for about 5 minutes eating my food. I could hear him talking quietly hoping that I wouldn't hear. But I got up and walked closer to him but he didn't see me. I waited and finally I heard his voice better.

     "Don't you dare put this back on me!" He snapped to whoever was on the phone. "I didn't kill them!" He paused. "God, can you listen to me for god sake?" I wanted to hug him but I knew he was angry and it's not good to help an angry person when they're at their highest temper. "Okay, just meet me at my place in 10." With that he hung up and I started hearing his feet. When he saw me, his face was angrier than I've ever seen. "Were you listening to my conversation?" He bellowed.

     "No, I was-"

    "Eavesdropping!" He yelled. "How dare you? That's what so aggravating about you, you always need to be in my business! I hate it! You don’t know me at all. You never will." He walked past me and quickly went down the stairs as I follow him, I was not gonna lose him again. 

     "Jackson! Jackson, please wait!" 

     "Why? Why should I?" He turned around and yelled. I was crying now and I knew it softened him up.

     "Please don’t be someone who hurts me." I said to him. I went to grab his hand and he let me grab it before he kissed my forehead.

     "I promise."

     "Don't leave." I said in his neck.

     "I have to." He said letting go. "I'll be back. I promise."