I don’t care if it hurts,I want to have control, I want a perfect body,I want a perfect soul. Puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works. For a while. but then the anesthetic turns to poison and by then it's too late because you are mainlining it now,straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can't stop.
I want to be skinny to the point where when I sit down my stomach doesn’t make a roll.To the point where my thighs are just close enough to the perfect size.To the point where my collar bones stick out.To the point where I don't feel uncomfortable and have to question myself whether I should wear something or not. A body that suits me, satisfies me and everyone else around me.
I will be skinny one day. Even if it means starving myself. Even if it means throwing up whatever I eat. Even if it means exercising until I can't move. Even if it means constantly being in pain. Even if it means I’m cold almost all the the time. I will be skinny one day.
I just want to lose 10 pounds and then I’ll be the same again, I promise. If I lose 10 pounds I promise I’ll never starve myself or eat less than I should. I’ll promise I’ll never try to lose weight again. I promise. It will make everything better. Just allow me to lose the weight. If you let me I’ll accept what you compliment me about because I’ll truly be beautiful after I lose it. Please let me lose it.
