Hell With A Smile

FINN'S POV

I heard the bell go for recess, funny enough I was already half way out of the class, I walked swiftly towards the abandoned basket ball court, I really needed this moment alone, without anyone, friends or even Andy, I wanted to do so much thinking and this was the best spot..

The basket ball court was barely used by anyone since the new and stabilized court was been built, so therefore making it difficult to spot anyone around it for any reason, aside that, it was some distance away from classes and all the places that screamed fun...

I kicked pieces of granites as I made my way towards a bench that was good enough to sit on... "Well, it's just me and you then" I muttered to the empty court

"Wao, barely a soul around, this must be how you felt each day right??, especially when the screams of Victory and matches get to this point and echo round, so much for been around first, right" I said to no one in particular

I was becoming crazy, speaking to myself for no just cause, was I really expecting the court to have a voice and tend a feedback?, even if it did, wouldn't I be racing home and screaming at the top of my lungs, so why was I expecting an answer??

I smiled, breathed out hard and looked around, the old net hung in pride, obviously reminiscing on how much goals and training it earned us players, how much smiles and comfort it was to us until we abandoned it for something new and better...

Exactly how my parents acted, seems after smiling during our birth, they suddenly found something more fun giving, lolzz,I'm also guilty then, I realized, this court gave me my first fame, first cheer,clap, trophy and kiss....Hahahaha, I'm guilty too,no doubt

Suddenly, I realized been here wasn't such a bad idea, I could come here more often and when asked about my whereabouts by my crazy friends, I could just lie about it...

Besides, lying now shouldn't be so hard, I lied each day of my life, I lied about the fact that I'm not okay, I lied about been a man in this situation when actually, I'm breaking apart within me, I lied to be strong for Andy, but I end up sobbing on my pillow like a lady...

God!!!!!, it's so difficult been the man in any situation, I envied Andy most times, a 9 on a scale of 1-10.

She was free to cry out her woes, her fears, she was permitted by nature to look and act fragile, unless she feels otherwise, not for me, I had to be the broad shoulders to take in all her tears, I had to man up and soak up every single last drop of tear, fear and wail....

I wasn't permitted to break down and when she did, I felt like biting up myself, talk about sexism

But I wasn't strong, I was never going to be strong for her, I had scars around my heart and body, I had situations that only a fatherly talk could remedy, my mother got the bullets from Andy each day but my dad acted free like his part of the deal with fate was met...

He always got away with any kinda scolding cause I was too busy been a big brother to open my mouth and cry, it was so difficult for me,silence was more killing than any other thing I knew...I was dying and yet, I wasn't permitted to scream for help

As I thought about all this, tears welled up in my eyes, I allowed them flow, I was alone in my own space and time, I could be a woman for a minute, I could wail and lament, I could scratch and hit, and yes, I did exactly that

I cried hard and long and loud, knowing fully well no one would hear me, my cries echoed back at me with the same velocity and force I released it...

I kicked at stones, I cried for about 20 minutes non stop, I bared my heart out, I was alone, seriously I needed a girlfriend oo

Hahahaha, talk about narration with jokes,but seriously, I needed a friend that'll listen to me and Andy wasn't an option, my male friends weren't so much of an option, I already marked this impression of been strong in the family for my sister and myself, I couldn't just break down now....No

Since I tagged with my bag and basketball inside, I played a random game alone, earpieces plugged, tears streaming down my cheeks, I played seriously and with so much energy I thought I was going to snap.....

When it was all over within me and I had some calm, I took off my earplugs and headed back to the world I escaped from, it wasn't much but it was okay, heading to the locker room, I bumped right into Jason..

"Bro, where the hell did you disappear to?? Andy's been tearing at us for you, she must have thought we sold you out for some devious means you know"

I laughed as I imagined the hell my sister must have raised up, especially for Jason, I removed my shorts and headed to the shower for a quick wash...

"Finn, you just love been toasted, lucky coach didn't get you in those, he said it over and over that those were just for when we had matches"

"Tell me about it" I grinned

"Whatever happened to your normal training shorts??"

"No idea, he didn't, and I'm good, relax bro" I said, Jason had always been the sensitive one amongst us no doubt, but he was more understanding, maybe I would open up to him first, maybe not, but if I were to break down before anyone, Jason would be the first...

Jason just stared at me, I knew what was coming and it sure did come...some light scold

"Okay bro, keep looking for fire, I got a lighter you know, you won't get into trouble and let Andy skin us for it, there goes the bell, hurry up dude, we've got classes to attend, I ain't skipping that cause you wanna take your time to look cute"

"Hahahaha, jealous jerk, I'm already cute, don't hate cause your crush is drooling over me"

"If only I had one or you knew who it was" Jason fired back, pushing and punching me lightly at the back as we headed back to class...

I smiled, we all were super close, but Jason was one hell of a twin brother I never had.... I could fake all I could and feel bad for not letting him know, I mean, I've seen his weakest, maybe I would ease up someday, but until then bro, just keep having my back....