Hell With A Smile

ANDY'S POV

As I drove blindly down the road, several thoughts began to compile in my head, I was automatically getting closer and way too closer to depression, insanity and total mental hazard, several questions popped up within me..

What was my offense??
What exactly did I do wrong???
Was I some unwanted child, whose fate got changed just at the nick of time???
Did I occur at the very wrong period and somehow, still paying the prize for it.???

Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes and I found myself letting them flow as I kept driving down the road, suddenly, I made a Upturn and took the lane for the opposite direction and few minutes later, I was before the building where I desperately needed to be...

As I parked up and tried getting out, my phone beeped, it was Finn obviously back and going psycho on my absence.. I picked..

"Andy, where are you?" His voice asked immediately, sounding a bit worried

"I'm fine, am good, just needed some air" I answered back

"Where are you, still repeating my question baby sister" he pushed

I smiled, Finn could just be annoying at some weird and wrong moment

"Well does it matter, am good, not like am about jumping off a bridge or something, I'll be home soonest...." But Finn cut me off

"Andy Hunter don't make me search each building around this state cause I will, am bothered enough as it is, could you just please...."

Finn's pleading voice always got to me, no matter how stiff I tried being with him in any situation

"I'm just at the therapist, am fine"

At that, I heard him breathe out in relief... " I'll be coming there soon, sure??"

"I told you I wasn't jumping off a bridge, sure"

I disconnected the call, locked up the car and headed into the building, on getting to his door, I knocked once and let myself in, there he was, sitting calmly and writing something I didn't bother to peep at

"So, talk to me, what's exactly my problem here, why can't I just be left alone to be me?" I threw the question at him, kinda making him unprepared and alert, I was fighting my tears again but this time, I lost...

He stared at me and quietly handed me some tissues which I used in wiping my eyes, continuously as I paced round his office, he just kept handing me tissues and kept staring at me, somehow, it was annoying

"Are you going to stare at me, in all this??" I finally asked haughtily but he smiled

"I'm just waiting for you to get calm, then we'll talk, it's bad to talk when you are trying to free up some locked up emotions by crying, let it flow, am not going to interrupt with that"

Seconds later, I had gotten calm somehow, and I sniffed at random and stared at him, awaiting answers

"So, what went wrong today?" He asked me after handing me a glass of chilled water, I sniffed again and told him about my discussion with my mother...

"....and that, couldn't even go well, why?" I ended...

He smiled, "well, that's progress" he replied

Excuse us all for a minute, is he serious right now or plain messing with my head, progress, did he just give the score sheet of today as progressive, really?...who again was this guy? I stared at him still trying to say the very next words politely..

"Progress???" I asked still staring... "So, let me understand something doctor, this whole wrong twist of event, is being termed as progressive to you?...just how does this count as anything positive, was it just me talking or were you not even listening!!!??" I screamed, a little too much as I reached out for another sip of water...

"Andy, getting her to see the world your way isn't going to happen one morning after meeting an angel the night before, it takes time and slowly, wake up, this isn't Disney world"

As hell, it wasn't, clearly.... I thought within me, still not buying his opinion, "so how long does my own miracle have to take huh, cause I am considering giving up and letting go"

I don't know what I said wrong, but he lost it there

"Who the hell do you think you are, you think you are the only one with problems, you think each and everyone of us doesn't hope for awesomeness and a miracle in one way or the other, Andy, you had a discussion today without anyone blowing each other off, even if you still didn't agree on anything and yet, you can't just be hopeful, you're yet to experience 50% of life and you think this 30% mishap is enough for you to bring the word 'quitting' into this???, you wanna quit cause you think you've got the worse situation, be my guest!!" He ended

I was silent, he might have come off harsh but it hit me right on the very spot, I had to admit, he was right, too right for my own very good...

"I'm sorry, am not all about giving up but, maybe I've held on so long, maybe I've seen enough...just maybe.."

"Just maybe you are a coward" he completed

Okay, this mister just crossed the line right there with the name calling, but somehow, I wasn't hysterical, I found myself giggling calmly...

"Nope, that wasn't the word, but yes, maybe I wanna back out on it all, I've come this far in holding my head together, I'm going to just keep doing that, sorry for thinking otherwise"

He smiled "Never say never Andy, am sorry too, that came off harsh, but you needed it"

I laughed, "yes, I did need it, I should be heading home now, gat a life to live and school papers to attend to, thank you doc"

"Anytime Andy, be safe" he said

As I exited his office, my phone beeped, I picked up "am down bro, come drive me home" I ended the call and used the elevator, feeling too relieved to be bothered..

Driving home with Finn beside me, throwing occasional glances at me after I gave him a hell of a hug on getting out of the building, I smiled to myself, the thoughts going through his mind at the moment must be really crazy, cause here I was, smiling like I didn't give a care...

I didn't actually, I was in hell already, so why not get living and smile through it all??...

Yes.... I was woke.....