Heartstrings

Chapter One: Broken Dreams

I'm always tore between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head or keeping it to myself. The problem is being outwardly unhappy and consistently that it pushes people away, no matter if they say that they're always here to listen, there is only so much your best friends can listen to. On the other hand, to pretend that everything is fine is to poison yourself from the inside out; it is to ignore who you are and lose yourself. So which is better? To have friends that think your melodramatic, seeking attention, and pessimistic, or to drown in your mind? 

It's 12 am. And her mind wanders off on on. She tends to think about something that happened 5 years ago, or something that happened 2 hours ago, or something that could happen 10 years from now. Her mind is like a hurricane, it's a wreck. It's full of beautiful yet, awful thoughts. It's 1 am and her mind continues to wander.

 She always accepted the hate but denied the complements. She said she was fine even when she was crying. She said she was happy even when she had scars on her wrists. She said didn't care about what people though when she was eager to perfect. When she left I knew I shouldn't have believed her.

I loved her more than anything and I couldn't save her. She lives everyday as a constant struggle but she has already died inside. She makes me feel so insane but, I have such a deep love for her. I want to bring the light that was taken behind her eyes.

 I call her phone and it goes straight to voicemail.

Voicemail: Uhh....hey Sage why aren't you answering my calls? Where are you? I need to tell you something.

I try calling her again but it gets rejected and instead I get a text.

 Sage: Stop calling my phone. Come to the school rooftop in ten minutes and tell me when you what to say.

I shove my phone in my back pocket and run up the school stairs to the emergency exit that leads to the rooftop. I push open the door and my eyes search the rooftop as I walk around. "Alex I'm over here," she says calling me over. I felt my eyes light up as I ran over to her.

"So, what is that you want to say to me, Alex?," she says with a smirk on her face. I feel my heart pounding so loudly that I can't hear what she says next. "Sorry what did you say?," I say trying to calm myself down. She punches my arm softly and says," I said hurry up and tell me because I want to check 5sos's Twitter." I can't help but smile...she doesn't really love anything or anyone but, she loves that band. 

"I like you. I think you're cute and you make me smile," I say to her and her eyes widen as tears fall down her face. I embrace her in a hug and ask," What's wrong Sage? Did I say something wrong?"

 "I don't want to love you anymore," she said quietly, not daring to look up at me as her words shook. "Why? What do you mean you don't want to? I don't understand," I say to her pleading. "Because it hurts, loving you fucking hurts. I've been waiting for you to say those words for three years Alex," she says as she runs down the stairs and disappears.