That girl in your class, she laughs. She has a smile that lights up an entire room. That girl in your class, she has great grades that it seems like she doesn't even have to try. That girl in your class, she has seemingly amazing friends who care ab...
It's 4 a.m. and there is lighting outside my window.....I wonder if it is the same voltage that runs through my veins when I think of you.
As I sit on my bed watching old cartoons and reminiscing about old times, your name flashes upon my phone. And thoughts of you flood my mind and in that moment I feel a million things: regretful and apologetic, sure and uncertain, and fine and shattered. You played me like a game board and I was your puppet on strings.
I just need to accept the fact you're gone but, I can't, you haunt my veins like a ghost in a cemetery and this time I don't have the power to stop you.
I'm laying on my bed thinking of her when I know that if these thoughts continue it will destroy me. I think to myself I must sleep because I need to escape the thought of you. I close my eyes but, I can't sleep.
1:00 am: I'm still awake 1:01 am: You're in my head 1:02 am: I think of your eyes1:03 am: I smile at the thought of you1:04 am: I try to sleep again1:20 am: Your still in my head again 1:30 am: Get out of my head 1:40 am: I still can't sleep 2:00 am: I think of our last kiss3:00 am: I'm tired 4:00 am: You. You. You.5:00 am: Your still in my head6:00 am: Your in my heart 7:00 am: I finally fall asleep 8:00 am: I get ready for school
I wake up feeling groggy and tired. I get up and stumble around my room till I get to the bathroom. I look at myself and there's bags under my eyes and dried tears. I turn on the water and start washing my face. Missing you comes in waves and tonight I am drowning. You took my heart and you crushed it in the palm of your hand. But, being upset over it wouldn't make any sense because I'm the one who gave you permission.
I throw on some jeans and put a sweatshirt over my pj shirt as I pack my backpack for school. I check my phone and I have several notifications but, I just power down my phone and throw it in there with everything else. I pick up my backpack and throw it on as I walk out the house to the bus stop.
An hour later, the bus arrives and I'm dreading every step as I get on the bus to a seat in the back. I don't want to see you but, I will try my best not too. On the way there, it starts to rain and I watch the rain drops fall down window. I feel tears stream down my face and I try to quickly wipe them away but, they keep falling like the rain on my window.
When the bus arrives at school, I quickly run off the bus not even caring that my eyes are puffy and red from crying. Imagine if I hadn't washed my face, I would have looked like a wreck if I don't already.
As I walk through the school hallways, everyone looks at me with concern and pity. Some even laugh at me being at my worst. A group of girls walk up in front of me and the red headed one says, "Alex do you wanna sit with us at lunch today?" I nod and keep on walking till I make it to my locker. There's heart and picture of different girls saying they love me taped across my locker. I leave them on hoping she will see them.
I hate her guts and I don't think my hate will turn into love. I've given up on her. As I open my locker, I feel a tap on my shoulder and it's a girl. Sage. Why did you have to see me like this? "Alex let's talk," she tugging on my wrist. "Leave me alone," I say prying her fingers from my wrist. "I need you to know something but, not here. Stop being a hurt little kid. This will the last you'll hear from me," she says pleading. "Okay," I say to her but, I immediately get a bad feeling about this.
She runs through the hallway and up the stairs to the rooftop and I follow her. I take a good look at her. She's got bags under her eyes, mascara stains on her face, wearing the same clothes from last night, and hair thrown into a messy bun.
"I don't know how to tell you I'm broken without feeling needy. I don't know how to open up without feeling judged. I don't know how to cry when my tears feel like acid. I just need you to see that I'm hurting without telling you because my words are bleeding out of my mouth, waiting for you to stitch me up and make me fine although I know it's not your job and you're better off without me. I just need you see me one last time."
"Sage, I love you. Your my angel," I walk towards her trying to give her a hug but, she backs up from the edge of the rooftop.
"Angels can fly," she whispered and jumped.
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