That girl in your class, she laughs. She has a smile that lights up an entire room. That girl in your class, she has great grades that it seems like she doesn't even have to try. That girl in your class, she has seemingly amazing friends who care ab...
Six months ago, or even last week, you were the only thing I saw in every photo or memory. But, now I see, these moments don't have to be painful. You weren't the only thing that matter. You aren't as important or as vital as I believed you to be. I gave you far too much credit. You aren't that fucking special.
I'm smiling in photos without you, too. I need to stop beating myself up over something I can't change. So, today is the day, I will be moving on and forgetting you.
I remember trying to accomplish this last week but, I failed. I kept thinking learning to be okay without her is weird. I swore I'd be fine for weeks, but, one morning I woke up and my heart was heavy for no reason at all. And I felt like I lost them both all over again. It was just hard, you know? Thinking that you're making all this progress only for it to be ruined when you see someone else brush their hair out of their eyes the same way she or he used too.
One little thing, and bam you will start thinking that you'll never to be able to live with hearing his or her laugh ever again.
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I wake up and roll out of bed and fall on the floor in the process. I get up rubbing my head and throw on a over sized black Metallica shirt and some black ripped skinny jeans. As I am lacing up my boots, my phone vibrates and reach over to grab it.
*Unknown Number*
Unknown: I miss you.
*End of message*
I read it and turn my phone off, thinking that it must be a wrong number. I forget the entire message and walk into the kitchen to make some breakfast. I kneel down to the freezer and open it to grab the box of waffles. I grab two waffles and stick them in the oven for 350 degrees, waiting for preheat to go off. As I wait, I walk back over to the fridge to grab butter and a knife.
I hear the oven beep telling me that my waffles are done so, I open the oven and grab them. I place them onto a napkin and grab a plate from the cabinet to put my waffles on. I put my waffles on my Beyoncé plate and I smear butter all over them.
As I take a bite from my waffle, my phone vibrates again. I unlock my phone to see another text:
*Unknown Number*
Unknown: Alexander, I miss you.
*End of message*
I almost dropped my waffle on my lap as I am reading this unknown text because it has my name. The first thought that comes to mind is that it must be a coincidence that this wrong number has the same name as me. But, I just shrug it off and continue eating my waffles.
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I'm currently sitting at cafe, drinking coffee. As I drinking this coffee, a really pretty girl walks up my table and sits down. I almost choke on my coffee as grabs my arm and writes her number down. I set down my coffee and ask her, "Who are you?" But, she just smirks and says, "Now is that how you should start a conversation with a pretty girl? But, since you asked I am Hazel. Who are you?"
"I'm Alexander but, you can me Alex for short," I say taking another sip of my coffee.
Hours go by of us talking about ourselves when she asks me, "Why do you hate yourself so much?"
I said, "I don't know. There's just something deep inside me that makes me hate everything I am and everything I say and do. It's like this constant voice saying you're not good enough and you never will be."
She just looked at me with pity and said,"How do you live your life like that?"
