In His Smile

Chapter three

Chapter 3

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Kurt groaned as his phone went off, waking him up from an amazing dream that he could no longer remember.  He blindly grabbed for his phone, not bothering to lift his head from his pillow.  After groggily running his hand along the nightstand, he grabbed his phone and flipped it open.

"Hello?" His voice was partially muffled, his face still half sunken into the soft pillow.

"Kurt?"

Kurt sat up in surprise, propping himself up on his elbow. "Amanda?" He glanced at the clock and almost dropped his phone.  "What are you doing up? It's 3:30 in the morning!"

He heard her laugh on the other line, but it didn't give him butterflies like it use to. He frowned at the thought. "Yeah, sorry about that... But I really need to talk to you."

He shifted uncomfortably at her tone of voice.  Whatever she had to say wasn't going to be pleasant.

"I..." he could practically see her running her fingers through her hair nervously. "God, Kurt... I did something terrible, and I know that you'll forgive me because you're just that amazing.  But I can't forgive myself, and I can't... I cheated Kurt, and I can't stand to be around you knowing that I did that to you..."

It was like he was numb.  The phone almost slipped through his fingers as he heard Amanda crying on the other end of the line.  He understood why she didn't want to go out with him anymore; she didn't want the guilt.  And he was ok with that.  In all honesty Kurt had stopped feeling anything romantic towards her some time ago; he just never had the courage to tell her, for fear of hurting her.  So this sudden breakup didn't devastate him so much.  What made him feel like his soul had left his body was the fact that she still had feelings for him, yet chose to be with someone else.

He could tell by her tears and the way she confessed her wrongdoing that she still cared about him deeply.  She still loved him, and he knew it.  And yet, despite this fact she chose to give herself to someone else.  She knew that, whether it be because of his religious beliefs or being self conscious of his fuzzy anatomy, she was not going to get anything more from him than a peck on the lips. 

He thought she had been accepting of this.  Clearly, he had been mistaken. 

He vaguely heard her saying goodbye in between sobs and finally let the phone drop from his fingers as he heard the dial tone.  He felt catatonic, unable to move his body or even think of anything other than 'You weren't good enough for her' over and over.  He could feel the hot tears trickle down his face.  His head turned towards the nightstand almost mechanically, and it was only after his eyes landed on the smiling picture of Amanda that he broke down completely.

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Logan was a light sleeper.  It was to be expected with his enhanced senses, he supposed.  So it was really no surprise when he found himself woken by the distinct sound of glass breaking.  He sighed, looking up at his clock, which read 3:45 AM in big red letters.  Scratching his back, he lifted himself from his bed and walked to his bedroom door. 

He felt the sharp metal pierce the skin between his knuckles as he carefully and silently pushed his door open, ready to face any intruders if necessary.  His bare feet padded down the hallway as he headed in the direction of the shattered glass.

As he got closer, he noticed the quiet sounds of quick and frantic breathing, and the scent of salt water.  Someone was crying. 

The noise led him to Kurt's room, and after taking a breath and preparing himself, he gently pushed open the door.

The first thing he noticed was the broken picture frame that lay on the floor, glass sprinkled around it like snow.  Through his sharp vision, he was able to see that the partially ripped and wrinkled picture had been of Amanda, Kurt's girlfriend.  Logan decided that this was what had woken him. 

The second thing he noticed was Nightcrawler laying on his bed, his head buried into his pillow as his body shook with sobs.  His tail went in a cycle of whipping around violently and wrapping itself around the blue boy's waist.  Kurt hadn't noticed the sudden presence in his room, which had Logan slightly concerned.  The boy was always so attentive to his surroundings, it was strange to think that he would shut himself out from the world for any reason. 

Logan, knowing that he couldn't leave the mutant like that, gently knocked on the door to alert the weeping boy of his presence, retracting his claws back into his hands.  Kurt's head shot up from his pillow, and Logan could clearly see the wet fur where his tears had fallen down his cheeks.  It reminded him of the other day, when he had gotten the call from Kurt to come pick him up.  It had been an eerily quiet car ride, that is until the tears began to trickle down the young boy's face and Logan had to veer off into a parking lot to try and calm the near-hysterical boy.

"Logan?" the boy croaked, "W-what are you doing here?"

Logan sighed and began walking towards the bed, being careful to avoid stepping on any glass.  "You think I wouldn't hear you break that thing?" He gestured to the shattered frame as he made it to the side of the bed.  "Come on, scoot."

Kurt sat upright at the gentle command, bringing his knees up to his chest and hugging them close.  His tail instinctively wound itself in front of his legs and back around his waist.  He stared straight ahead, tears running down his furry face.  "You didn't have to come in here, you know... I'm fine."

Logan scoffed, the mattress sinking slightly under his weight.  "Sure kid, everything about you just screams 'fine' right now."  Looking at how incredibly small the boy seemed, Logan felt his long-dormant paternal instinct jolt awake.  It was strange, he thought, that an instinct of any kind would feel so foreign to him, but he had never really wanted to protect anyone other than himself - and maybe a handful of others.  But it seemed that as he spent more time with these kids, the more he would find himself wanting to keep them safe. 

Kurt hiccuped, bringing the older man from his thoughts.  The boy was shaking silently, noticeably trying to contain his grief.  Logan placed - what he could only hope was - a comforting hand on the teen's back, causing a short gasp of surprise to fall from Kurt's mouth. 

"Kurt, don't try to convince me that there's nothing going on, because you and I both know I'm not buying it.  I'm pretty new with this 'talking-about-your-feelings' thing, but whatever you've got on your chest, you can talk to me about, ok?" 

There was a long, uncomfortable silence.  Kurt continued to stare at the wall, seemingly contemplating Logan's offer.  The only sound in the room was the quick, constricted gasps which Logan knew kept the sobbing at bay.  After two minutes, Kurt's yellow eyes found their way to Logan's, the tears making his eyes shine with sorrow.  Logan held his breath, waiting anxiously for Kurt's response. 

What he did not expect was for the blue mutant to collapse against him, wrapping his tail tightly around the older man's waist and begin sobbing  brokenly into his chest.  He did not expect for the younger's words to tug so violently at his heartstrings that it felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his body.  But Logan knew he should have expected the unexpected.

"I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough."

What could he say to that?  Nothing.  So he didn't say anything.  He simply embraced the sobbing boy and held him like that for the rest of the night.  In the morning he vaguely mentioned the previous night's happenings to Chuck, and casually suggested that the Elf took a day off of school to rest and get his head back on his shoulders.  The professor agreed.

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