Dr. Leafhead: Story of a Mad Scientist, Part 2

Meeting with the Lizard-folk

     By the time I was back at the tree-fort Leafhead was thoroughly muttering to himself.  Most of it was nonsensical but a lot of it revolved around his rage against whatever was going on with the Universe Interpreter.  I cleared my throat.

     "Where did you come from?" he asked.  "You surprised me.  I'm not easily surprised."

      "I know.  You were deep in thought.  Didn't seem like a productive conversation."

      "It's not right!" said Leafhead.  "I can tell they're experimenting on the Interpreter.  It doesn't respond well to outside tampering.  If they perform enough experiments on that device it is entirely plausible it will choose to evolve into something dangerous.  Like a bomb that could cause the creation of time-fractures, portals and/or ordinary explosions on a mass scale."

     "Never mind that now," I said.  Leafhead turned around suddenly.  "I've got something more important to say.  When I was exploring the woods I discovered--"

     "Look," interrupted Leafhead. "I don't have time for this side-adventure.  Didn't you hear me?  Time-fractures?  Portals?  Detonation?"

     "You can worry about that later!  You'll want to hear this."

     It took a few more minutes but eventually Leafhead quieted down long enough to listen to the story.  I explained everything... how he'd successfully created highly evolved/intelligent life and that life had created a flourishing society within his own property (rent-free).

     "This is all surprising," said Leafhead.  "Even for me, the guy who was sure something was living here."

     "Tell me about it," I said.  "I've been to Mars."

     "All the best scientists have," mused Leafhead.

     It was a couple hours until midnight.  Leafhead slept while I searched around for some food that wasn't grubs.  I found some blackberries and was happy for it.  The seeds got stuck in my teeth so I carved some toothpicks from a nearby cedar tree.  The splinters got stuck in my gums so I found myself swearing aloud like Leafhead and giving up.

     "They're here," I whispered.  I saw movement on the nearby path.

     "About time," said Leafhead.  "Who schedules a meeting for midnight?  Don't they know mad scientists have to attempt to get a few hours of sleep before getting up at dawn to slave over brilliant breakthroughs until a few hours before dawn?"

     "No, I guess they don't know that.  I think they're nocturnal," I said.

     "That doesn't make any sense."

     "Sense?  You?" I asked, climbing down the ladder.  

     There were more lizard-folk than I expected.  I thought maybe 2 or 3 would arrive, or even just the leader.  The usual reconnaissance group.  This looked to be more like... all of them.  Dozens crowded the area.  Those were just the ones we could see.  I suspected many more lurked above in the treetops.

     The leader I met earlier stepped forward.  He carried a torch.

     "My name is Ichiban," he said.  "Lord Ichiban of the Lizard-folk."

     "Ichiban... like the noodles?" I said.

     "Don't be stupid," jumped in Leafhead.  "Ichiban means Number One, right?"

     "What are these you speak of... noodles?" asked Ichiban with a hint of malice.  "You insult me, human?!"

     Before Leafhead or I could get a word in one of the nearby minions leapt towards me.  A spear once again rested against my throat.

     "No one insults the honor of Lord Ichiban," said the loyal minion.

     "You've misunderstood him," said Leafhead.  "Noodles is a great compliment in our dialect."

     "Is this true?" the minion asked me.

     "Yeah... of course."

     "I see," said Ichiban.  "I believe you.  And I thank you."

     Leafhead proceeded to try to learn as much as possible about their culture with a sequence of unnecessary questions.  

     "There is a time for you to learn about us," said Ichiban.  "Also we wish to learn about our origins.  But that time is not now."

     "Why not?" asked Leafhead. 

     "We are only here now to arrange plans for the storming of the house.  We have decided that putting aside our numerous and staggering differences in nearly all ways of living and thinking for the greater good is the best choice of action.  We have the numbers, the force and the intelligence of the forest geography.  You have the weapons and sorcerer's inventions."

     "Sorcerer?" repeated Leafhead.  He was fine with the mistake.  Someone once said the technology of a sufficiently advanced society would be indistinguishable from magic.

     "How many of those laser-guns do you have?" asked Ichiban, pointing to the armory.

     "Probably 30 or 40."

     "Keep 2 for you and Jonathan.  The rest will be taken back to our camp tonight and distributed among only the most formidable of warriors."

     "I guess that's alright," said Leafhead.  "I'll try to make some more.  But there isn't a source of ice-chips around here."

     Ichiban was thoroughly puzzled by that statement and made no response.

     "Then we will spend two days training you on the navigation of the forest.  Notably the area from which we will approach the house."

     "This all sounds good," said Leafhead.  "But we're going to need more than laser-guns to drive away this crew of villains."

     "We are a greater strength than you know.  We are invisible if we want to be."

     "Invisible invisible?" I asked.  No reply.

     "Also we were hoping you had more technology with which to wage war," added Ichiban.

     "I'm sure I'll come up with something," said Leafhead.

     With that, the lizard-folk snatched up all but two of the laser-guns and vanished from the camp. 

     Leafhead muttered something about force-fields and vacuum-bombs and then passed out.

     We spent the next two days learning the navigation of the forest and performing grueling training exercises.  By the third day, we were ready for action.