❝ it's important to recognize
the difference between
want and need
cause I may love you
but having you is
not necessarily good for me ❞
[rupi kaur]
✿
X...
The high-pitched shriek of my alarm awoke me from my restless slumber, a loud groan escaping my lips as I weakly rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I let out muffled whines of protest as I obstinately refused to get up and turn off my alarm, it's shrill roar growing louder and louder and beginning to sound like the call of the antichrist.
Lackadaisically, I placed my arms over my eyes in hopes that the alarm's shrieking would die away with all of my worries, but unfortunately, the annoying sound simply grew louder whilst my worries continued to bedevil me. Great.
I laid around for a few more minutes before I finally mustered the strength to sleepily pull myself out of bed, my alarm rather abruptly falling silent without the daily slam of my hand against the sturdy plastic.
My body shot up and my eyes snapped open out of surprise and a bit of fear, my eyes met with crimson ones swirling in shock and confusion. The owner's body grew rigid at my sudden spark of life, his hand frozen on my alarm like a deer in headlights.
"Jesus, F/n, are you okay?" I let out a breath of relief whilst downing one of apprehension.
'Not today. Please, lord almighty, don't let us have this conversation today.'
"Yeah, I guess I'm fine," I ran a hand through my unruly h/c hair, avoiding Soul's eyes as I arose from the living dead and made my way over toward my dresser. 'If by fine, I mean a complete and utter train wreck.' Whilst carding through the colorful clothes that I owned, I prayed to any and every God out there that Soul would simply leave my room without another word; it being far too early to discuss the tension that thickened the air between us.
"Where were you yesterday?" My breath hitched and my heart began to beat out of my chest; I stumbled to cover my shock with anger.
"Out." I mouthed off in mock confidence. "Sorry mom, I didn't know I needed to notify you-,"
"Don't give me that shit. Don't think I didn't hear about your early release from the infirmary--" Shit. "--I ran in yesterday afternoon to ask about you, but they said you'd already left. Then magically, you show up at our door late last night saying you were just released. I'll ask again, where were you?" I shivered as his tone turned into a gruff growl.
"What, is this an interrogation?" I laughed with a hint of uneasiness. "I plead the fifth." I pulled mismatched clothes from my dresser and threw them out on my bed, not caring how discombobulated I'd look in the eyes of the public. My life is a mess anyway, why not dress like one?
"F/n--."
"Why do you even care!?" I finally snapped, turning to face him. He was really beginning to piss me off.
Calm down. The voice of reason whispered soothingly as my apprehension turned to genuine acrimony. Needless to say, I disregarded the advice and let the familiar rush of anger flow through my veins.
"What about you, huh? You're not so perfect either," I scoffed. Soul's face twisted into a look of confusion.
"What are you even talking about?" Soul gritted his teeth as if he were biting back some well-deserved rude remarks. "This isn't about me!"
"I thought you were on my side!"
"F/n, really, please calm down," Soul grumbled, running a hand down his face tiredly. "You're acting like a five-year-old who didn't get their way," Soul rolling his eyes was the gasoline drizzled over the fire, anger bubbling in my stomach as it began to twist in knots. My face flushed a bright red and my hands curled into fists at my side, my eyes narrowing in pure anguish.
"Shut up, you fucking liar! You told Liz I knew about the dare. You told her even though you said you were on my side! Was our whole friendship a lie too? Was it, goddamn it? Are you really gay*, do you really love picking out my outfits each-and-every morning, and do you really hate the social monarchy as much as I do?" My voice grew ragged as my anger began to waver. "Do you really care about me at all?" I croaked out as tears pooled in my eyes, my emotions doing a total 180. I couldn't bring myself to look at Soul any longer so I simply shoved my face in my palms, sliding to the floor with tears streaking my cheeks.
God, this is all too cliché for me.
Thinking back to every book I'd ever read, I thought about how frustrated I'd get with the main character for always crying and running away when the situation wasn't even what they thought it was. How they'd always flee from their lover or friend simply because they caught them doing something scandalous or heard a rumor that happened to seem true at the time, but it never really was the case.
Instead of following every stereotype ever, I looked up at Soul instead of running like I probably should have, my sad eyes looking for answers on his extremely pallid and guilt-ridden face. His eyes held the same broken look that mine held, and that's when I knew. At that moment, I understood exactly why the main character always ran away.
Sometimes, facing the truth can be earth-shattering.
~
* See chapter '2k Special for clarification
A/N: Yooooo it's been forever. I hope you all are well and happy ;D (I also hope you all don't hate me for the 2-month break lol whoop, I really needed it tho as school hasn't seemed to give me one)
Anyway, QOTD: What have you been you all been up to?
Goal: 30 comments (because I'm lonely) and 8 votes (need that love ;-;)
Make a funny comment for a dedication! 36 hours on the clock ; )
That's it for now.
k bai
~Christy <3
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