Chasing the Clouds • 707 ✔

｢log 04/13｣ • day 15, 13.44 pm.

If 'Harsh' was Seven's middle name, then 'Stubborn' was mine.

I refused to go back to the apartment with Zen.

So after he had left after begging ten million times, I get some dinner before I fall asleep on the couch.

I had no idea that Seven would be the one who woke me up at 8 am.

"What are you doing here?!" His voice echoes through the hallway, as he facepalms.

"You... You just don't learn, do you? I told you not to bother me!"

That hurt.

"Anyway... Come on." He grabs hold of my wrist and pulls me into his room.

The smell of antiseptic fills the room, and I watch as he asks me to sit on the couch before he walks to the telephone.

His voice is a whisper and I do not hear what he says before he hangs up the phone and sits on the bed.

"Zen brought you here, right?"

"He did."

"I will kill him."

"Seven... You're sick and you have to stay here... Somebody needs to stay with you, you don't have family right now, and you're in need of one."

"I told you, we can't be family, or even friends. Stop trying to barge into my life that way, I told you it would just be meaningless."

Oh, Seven...

You only told me what I already knew.

I knew it... But it still hurts when you say it that way...

"But I still want to-"

"Please leave me alone." He says. I can feel an ache in my stomach at that, as I watch him stare back at me.

Before I can reply, there is a knock on the door before a nurse steps in, holding a paper bag in hand.

Seven points to me, and the nurse hands the bag to me before she leaves after wishing us a good day.

I doubt today would be a good day.

"Please just... Eat that and go home. Ugh, Zen should have taken you with him instead of leaving you alone!" He rages, slamming the pillow beside him with his free hand.

"I'm calling Jumin."

There is another knock on the door, and another nurse steps in.

"Mr Choi? Yes, your brother has regained consciousness."

The expression on Seven's face softens and he stands up with a jolt.

"Please just go home and be safe. Please." He begs before he steps outside; leaving me sitting inside his room, all alone.

He keeps on doing that... And yet...

I keep on loving him harder and harder as the days pass by.

Feelings are very, very strange.

Even though I know I should just give up and leave...

My legs don't have the will.

And even knowing that Seven would be mad at me again when he sees that I didn't leave... That doesn't stop me from sitting there.

I must be a masochist.

A lousy one, at that.

Seconds turns into minutes and I sit, staring at the clock ticking several times before the door opens.

And Seven steps in, looking as miserable as I felt.

"Seven..."

"Oh. You're still here." He says in a hoarse voice... A voice I don't even recognise anymore.

He didn't look happy, and I decided that it would be best for me to step outside for a while.

Before I could pass outside, he speaks up again.

"Saeran asked me to leave."

I would be lying if I said that I understood how he felt inside. I didn't. But I could tell that it would hurt him badly.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him it would be okay... That his brother would accept him over time... That things would be better, the sooner he left his Agency.

But knowing him...

I stand, one foot outside the room, glancing back to where he stood, one hand in his pocket, and the other holding one ear of his headset.

"I really don't deserve to be loved, do I?"

For someone to think something like that...

I couldn't even think of the hardships he would have gone through, to believe that deep within.

"Seven, don't say that..."

"I left my brother... And I want to save him now, but I'm just someone who doesn't deserve it anymore. I can't do anything useful. I've been wasting my money doing dark things and in the end... I don't remember a single day I was happy."

And as he continues to talk, the tears streaming down my face increase... How does he endure all that, when I break down just by hearing the words?

So when I step back inside, tossing the paper bag away, he lifts his gaze up and watches the way my arms wrap around his neck.

Of course, it wasn't enough.

I might have thought that after being pushed away for so long... that being in his embrace would make me feel so good, that I could die.

But it wasn't enough...

"It's not enough..." I whisper into his jacket, the warmth of his body heating my skin that had been cold from the cooling units.

"Why do you keep making this harder for me?" He whispers back, to my head, gripping my arms tight and pushing me away from him.

"Because I love you. You don't just leave the people you love alone, Seven." My voice cracks as I speak, and his eyes waver as he loosens his grip.

"I hope things work out with your brother soon." I wish him luck, grabbing my purse and walking out.

And this time, he doesn't say anything to stop me; and watches the way I walk further and further away from him.

As if he has no intentions of ever making me stay.

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a/n: demmit this book is getting lame, i kri ;w;