Chasing the Clouds • 707 ✔

｢log 11/13｣ • day 22, 21.06pm

I'd like to think that I was the sunshine in Seven's life.

But there were some things I didn't take into account.

That sometimes...

Sometimes, even sunshine gets lost in the rain.

My first clue was that when I woke up last morning, Seven was not home.

My clothes remained in the same pile that Seven and I had created the other night, and I get dressed before I step out.

Seven wasn't around, and there were no sticky notes, either.

Maybe he forgot to leave a sticky note for me. He'll be back soon.

Now that, was my second clue.

And my next clue should have been the fact that my fully packed backpack was resting on the kitchen counter when I went for breakfast.

But of course, I was too stupid... Or maybe I knew all along, and yet... I didn't want to believe it?

Who knows.

What I know is that I am eating cereal when my cell phone begins to ring.

"Seven! Where are you right now? Hospital?"

I should have seen it coming when he lets out a long sigh.

"Yeah, I'm there. Saeran and I are coming."

"Eh, really? Should I clean the place up a bit and make something-"

"Actually no, I want you to leave."

It takes me a couple seconds to analyse what he had said...

And yet, I decided to go down the oblivious path.

"Oh, of course, you want some time with him since it's been way too long, yes, I understand! I'll be out right no-"

"You don't understand... I regret what we did last night. It was wrong of me."

Seconds turn into minutes, and I could hear Seven call my name and ask if I was still on the line.

Was I the only person who had felt so much bliss?

Was I the only one who felt that we were one?

Was I at fault?

"I have to take care of my brother... I... I don't think I can take responsibility for you too... I'm so sorry."

Was it his brother's fault?

Was this happening because of Saeran?

No, I asked Seven to make up with his brother. I was the one that pushed him to.

And he did it.

He did it alright.

"I know that my apologies won't be enough... But I hope you understand. We're now climbing the car, and we'll reach there soon."

Was it Seven's fault?

No, I was equally wrong, right?

I had given in, even though I knew full well how vulnerable he felt.

"But... Seven.... What about us?"

"I'm so sorry." He repeats in a soft voice. "Till later."

And that is the last thing I hear from him before the beeping noises of the phone bring me to my senses.

I took advantage of his vulnerability.... And this is what I get.

It's all my fault, not Seven's.

He was hurt, because of his brother... I knew that and yet....

And I couldn't sit around and cry, either.

Placing the cereal bowl in the dishwasher, I grab my backpack and run outside.

It wasn't fair that this had to happen at daytime because was sure a lot of people saw me crying.

It's not fair.

It's so unfair....

And when I reach Rika's apartment, I see that Zen is waiting there, his cell phone in hand.

"Oh, there you are! You said you were at Seven's apartment and I was worried and wanted to check if you came ba- Why are you crying?!" He must have noticed my reddened eyes, and that moment was when I started sobbing, big baby sobs.

Panicking, Zen had helped me inside and continued to ask me what had gone wrong.

"I can't run to save you right now... But just know that I'm on the list of people who will." He had once told me, and I found myself telling Zen everything that had happened between us, starting from day one all the way until this morning.

As expected, Zen was sympathising towards me and called Seven a jerk.

"Don't you see? I am at fault there too, Zen... This is all my fault..."

But why must this be my fault?

Is being in love a fault?

Is it worth being punished this hard?

Which sin am I paying for?

"I want all of him, Zen." I cried.

The funny Seven that cracked jokes. The serious Seven who worked hard at what he had to. The sentimental Seven who loved his brother. The Seven that spoke to me in more ways than one last night.

I wanted all of him... Every single bit.

"I know, I know you do..." He had tried to comfort me, wrapping his arms around me.

Only, that reminded me of how warm and comforting Seven's embrace felt, and I ended up crying even harder.

"If you could say something to him now, anything, what would you say? Would you yell at him for using you? You can say anything."

"He didn't use me..." I wipe my face and explain.

I see the picture Yoosung had forced the two of us to take lying on my desk.

He looked stiff, and I looked like I was about to cry.

I should have known that all of this was a mistake, something to be sorry for.

Me and Seven... Is this the end of us?

Was all this wishful thinking?

Seven and I were never a 'we'... We were always separate people, and I had the stupid wishful thinking that we were one.

What a stupid sap I am.

He's the one I love... And I have to say goodbye to him like this?

"Well, what would you say?"

"I'd say...Seven, I love you so much that it's unbearable."

"You're unbelievable." Zen had said, and under my request, he had hoped that I would be OK soon and left.

But I doubt I would be OK anytime soon.

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a/n; did you hear that? my heart breaking into 285889823567 pieces? ;-;

also, was the last chapter rly bad? nobody commented, i kri ;-;