COMA | ziam

17: The Awakening

Zayn

I felt like my days were slipping away, after I found myself sitting in some grimy alleyway that Mark had plucked me out of, life slowly became agonizing to bare. It was another thing to hold Elliot's hand when he woke up crying in the middle of the night, but everything else was intolerable.  That night was hazy, all I could stomach to remember was a bottle of Vodka clutched in my artless hand. It was an outer body experience, like I was searching through a puddle's surface for a reflection only to find my ripple affects. Mark's car pulled over on the side of the road, clearing any creeping shadow nearing towards me. He grabbed me before I even saw him, pulling me away. I was so drunk and confused that I didn't even bother pushing him away. It could of been anyone and I didn't really care.

I sit in the back of his car, lying across the leather seats. Eyes filled with crowded tears. I don't see anything and my mouth feels numb. Guilt had swallowed my stomach into a knot while Mark drives and stares at me with worried eyes through his rear view mirror.

"Please forgive me." I don't recognize my voice and I doubt Mark does either.

He shakes his head slowly, hands steady on the wheel. Everything is fading into different colors of the night. The light-posts that shine past into blurry yellows keep me from falling asleep. The deep blues of the night sky that chases the glow, melancholy darkness engulfing us. I'm lost in a nostalgic frenzy that reminisces moments where these colors were present in Liam's bed. Mark's little words leave me no time to think any further. It's like I can't help but to grasp for conversation.

"Kind people say the strangest things." He spoke, almost to himself. My intoxicated brain barely caught up as the car hummed.

"I'm not kind. I'm just a liability." I slur and he seems maddened by that.

"How on earth could you say that? You feel that you're a burden? To whom exactly? I watched you run around the whole day doing anything and everything for everybody but yourself. You need to take it easy on yourself, no one would like to see you go. You're sensitive and a lot of people lack your pureness, so please don't let it burn out. It'd be a loss to the world. You just have to leave yourself alone - let yourself breathe. Find peace inside of your heart. I'm not a therapist, but you do too much for people. I know you're young, it's hard being young, but don't be your worst enemy. Everything works out in the end."

"Mark?" My eyes are closed, willing my tears to stop falling as my head lies against the cushions of his car. The small skylight on the roof has the moon ganders through, following me. It's silver light that peeks through my eyelashes every now and then. It feels like comfort having the moon above, just like his words, like I didn't feel as invisible as I really was.

Mark pulls the car into the garage, knowing I'm barely literate at this point.

"Yes, Mr. Malik." He responds and I hang on his sturdiness, the way he never fumbles for his words. He parks his car.

"Don't leave." I find myself saying. Small - so small.

"I won't." He says immediately and it's a relief as he helps me out of the car. He makes sure to keep my arm wrapped around his shoulder so I don't fall and it feels so nice after so long to have someone to lean onto. I stare at him and he barely bats eyelash, walking me out of my garage. He steadies me when I slip on the carpet, making sure I never fall over. I'm distracted by him, thinking about Liam. How I did this for him once upon a time ago. It gets me caught up, tugging onto him tighter.