Secret Love (Joshifer)

Chapter 31

I honestly don't know what to say to him. Part of me wants to slam the door in his face but the other part wants to run into his arms and just get lost in the moment.

I feel everyone's eyes on me, including josh. He stands there waiting for my answer.

"Um come in." I say weakly. I open the door all the way for him. Everyone just stares at me and now him.

I lead him upstairs to my room. I shut the door behind us.

"I honestly don't know what to say or do. You hurt me Josh and I don't know if I can forgive you. I gave you everything I had and then you turn around and hurt me like it was nothing. I don't know if I can forgive you." I say trying not to make eye contact with him.

"That's bullshit Jen and we both know it. If you were so hurt why didn't you take the ring off or simply tell me we were done. You know what it is. You are scared. Scared that I'm going to leave for no reason just like Nick. But god dammit Jen, if I was like Nick, I wouldn't be standing here pouring my heart out to you!" He says rather loudly.

I run my finger over the ring before I look back at him.

"You're right." I whisper.

"And ya know what!" he pauses. "I'm what?" He asks smiling.

"You are right!" I yell.

"Wow that is definitely a first from Jennifer Lawrence."

"Ya well I'm not gonna say it again so don't get use to it. But in all seriousness you did hurt me Josh."

"I know and it's the dumbest thing I have ever done. I haven't slept in days. It haunts me like my moms chili."

"Wow that was the best apology ever."

"Well it's true."

I sigh plopping down on the bed. Josh sits down next to me. He doesn't reach for my hand and I don't reach for his.

"Where are we suppose to start again?" I ask him.

"I don't know." he sighs.

"I can't just pretend like nothing happened because it did happen."

"I know. Maybe just try and pick up where we left off."

"But what if things are different?"

"Then we work to make things right again. There is nothing else to do."

"Well there is one other thing we could do." I say forcing myself not to look at him.

He says quiet for a while. I dont look at him but I can feel his eyes burning in my back.

"Is that what you want?" He asks getting choked up.

"I don't know what I want josh." I say as I start to cry.

He rests his hand on my knee. I stand up and walk away from him.

"Jen I don't know what I want either. For a while I struggled with who I was and what I wanted but all I have ever been sure that I wanted was you and I still am." he says from right behind me.

He turns me around, wipes the tears out of my eyes, and says, "no matter how long you need, I will be waiting."

He kisses my cheek before walking out of the room. I collapse on my floor crying. Willow and jena walk up and sit down next to me. Jen pulls me in and pretty much holds me. Willow takes my hand.

"What happened?" willow asks me.

"I told him I needed time." I sob.

"Why Jen? You love him."

"I know but I just don't want to get hurt again."

"Then what do you call this."

We stay like this for about an hour. By that time some people have left. Sam and Chris are watching the game and drinking a beer. Sam pops one open for me. I sit down and take a swig. Willow curls up on my lap.

~~

I wake up with a beer in my hand and willow on my lap. Chris and Jena are tangled up in each other. Sam is on the floor. As if perfect timing, someone knocks on the door. I gently move her off my lap and run to the door. I fling it open to find bradly.

"Hey!" I exclaim a littler shocked.

"Hey jen." he says hugging me.

He walks in and goes into the kitchen. I sit down on the counter as he sits in a chair.

"What's up?" I ask him.

"Rough night?" he asks.

"You could say."

"Or I know. Josh showed up to my house crying. At first I thought he was drunk but no beer breath. So I asked him what was wrong and he told me you guys were officially done."

"Ya."

"Why Jenny?"

"I don't want to get hurt! Nick hurt me bad! I don't want to go through that again."

"Nick is only half the man josh is. He told me he poured his heart out to you and you still didn't take him back! Jenny he is the one who is always there for you! Every reason you have him to leave, he stayed!"

I sit there shocked because of how right he is. Im the one who screwed up not him. All he did was be there for me and love me no matter what. Im the one who turned away. I just dont think I can handle the relationship right now. I mean there is so much going on. I need him as my friend. Just friends. I text Josh telling him to get over here. He replies that he is on his way. 

I lead him up to my room. He sits down on the bed. 

"Look Josh. I'm sorry. I was the jerk not you but before you interrupt me, I need to say this, I have so much going on in my life right now and I need you to be there for me." He cuts me off. "Oh thank god! You had me worried." 

"Let me finish." I say to him. "But as just a friend." 

He looks down at his feet and then back up at me. 

"If that is what you want, then thats what I'll be." he says before he kisses my cheek and pretty much walks out of my life forever. Well thats what it feels like anyway because I have to see him tomorrow for interviews. 

I walk downstairs to find Nick sitting in the kitchen with Bradly Oh how this day keeps getting better. He stands up when i walk in. I look behind me but no one is there. 

"What? Am I the queen of England now." I ask in the British accent. 

"Funny Jen but we need to talk." He says seriously. 

"God whats with all the talking today?!" I exclaim before rewalking up the stairs into my room. He shuts the door behind him. This time I sit down. 

"Look Jen, I know I screwed up big time but I want another chance. I promise I wont hurt you again." He pleads.

"Well you got to the point" I say jokingly. 

He looks at me those beautiful eyes and smiles that perfect smile. There is only one thing to do. 

"Fine. But next time we get in a fight, let me explain before you believe some bitch that hates me." 

"Deal." he says pulling me close. "I cant believe I almost lost you for good." 

I wrap my arms around him. His lips gently meet mine. As we pull away, I smile at him. Am I happy? Yes I am. 

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Before you bite my head off, I have it planned out so Jen and Josh end up together. If you watch Greys Antomy, and you watched last nighst episode, thats you hint!! Comment and Vote!! Thanks guys! You need to check out my other stories because well I dont have a reason just do it!! 

-Tris