Freckles and Constellations

Chapter 3

It's not my alarm that wakes me up, it's the searing pain all across my stomach. I immediately sit up and clutch at the source of the pain. I lift the jumper to see some of the cuts, bleeding again. I rush to the bathroom and throw up. Everything. I feel dizzy and suddenly, everywhere hurts but I force myself to sit down on the side of the bath and cover my stomach, so I don't have to see what a mess I've made.

"Zoe? Zoe!" I hear Lesley calling from outside.

""Mhm?" I try to choke back the tears.

"I'm coming in, what happened?" She pulls open the door and sees me clutching my stomach and shakes her head. "I'll tell dad you aren't going school." She sighs and puts her arm around me, helping me up.

"Les-" I begin.

"Zo, you're not well. Was it the dinner you ate? Something at school? Just go back to bed. I'll make you some soup later but I have to go out soon. And no not to meet a boy, I just have to quickly file some papers for the local branch, they seem to know whenever there is a lawyer on a break. I'll be back soon. I love you, Zo. Have a long sleep, okay?" I smile through the tears that are streaming down my face and flop into my bed, under the duvet. As soon as I hear Lesley go back into her room to get ready, I let a whimper out and pull up my jumper again.

The view hurts. Some of them have started to scab over but the others are bleeding again. It hits me that I really didn't have to take Taylor's words to heart but I did. Now I really do see it.

I fumble out of bed and stumble over to the full length mirror. I stand side on and pull up the jumper. Then it becomes clear.

There really is too much fat on my body. There's too much everywhere. My legs, arms and stomach. The site of myself makes me feel sick. I pull the jumper back down and flop into the window seat. I stare out into the early morning scenery and take a few minuets just to cry. I find myself staring at the tree. The same tree I was laying under 6 years ago. I ask myself if I thought Layton would've told me I was gaining weight or would he have done what Elise and Dallas done and just leave it for someone else to tell me?

I sit and cry until there are no tears left. I just stare at the same tree, in the field behind my garden and wish I could go back to that night 6 years ago and just ask him. Ask him what he thought. Ask him if it was true. Layton wouldn't lie to me.

But he has. Layton promised we wouldn't fall out of touch but here I am, sitting alone and I haven't heard 1 word from him since he left Hitchford. Maybe he just wanted rid of me.

The thought hurts my brain and I try to shake it from my head. It's impossible. Best friends since we could talk. He didn't want rid of me. Right?

I give the tree another look before the sound of Lesley's voice breaks me from my train of thought.

"Zo, I'm going. Love you!" She calls and I hear the door slam. Dads obviously at work early so I decide to do something. Something new.

I stand up and open my wardrobe, I pick out random clothes and throw them on. I open my door and slip my feet into some old trainers before walking downstairs towards the kitchen. I immediately see the tonnes of food on the side. Suddenly, I feel nauseous. But I'm not stopping now. I step toward the back door and turn the key. I push the door wide open before stepping into the concrete path. I close the door behind me and begin walking down the path, to the tree.

At the end of the garden, the path comes to a large hedge. I edge myself towards the shed that sits in the corner and squeeze myself behind it, clutching my stomach. I soon see it, the small hole in the hedge me and Layton made when we first wanted to get into the field when we were 7. The hole was smaller than I remember so I have to break a few more branches to get though, but in the end, I do. I slip through the hole and suddenly I'm in a grassy field. The breeze is strong and the air is cold but I keep walking forwards. My eye on only 1 thing. The tree.

When I'm a few steps away from it, I stop. He leaves have started to fall off it as it nears the end of autumn but it still had some bright, green leaves left hanging from the branches. I step forwards and touch the bark. We used to always etch our names into the wood as a symbol of our forever friendship I lower myself down, so I'm crouching which sends immense pain through my stomach, but I ignore it. Instead, my pain is replaced with a sudden hit of happiness and nostalgia. I'm suddenly back to 10, when me and Layton played tag around the tree and I fell and cut my lip. He said it was the power of my freckles that would heal it. Because my freckles made me magical.

I find my cheeks wet with tears but not because of the pain, because of the happiness. Because it hits me that Layton never wanted rid of me. He probably just doesn't have a way of connecting with me. Yet.

Content with my journey, I head back, towards the house. I climb through the hole and all the way back to my room. I flip myself in bed and warm myself under the duvets when I hear the door open.

"Zoe, I brought soup, I'll bring it up!" I hear Lesley call. I smile to myself as I realise that she really does care for me and I'm just glad she's back for a while.

"Zo, here you are. It warm too." Lesley sits on the foot of my bed and passes me a bowl of hot soup. Then it hits me.

I can't eat this, I can't eat anything. But she just went and brought it for me. I have to eat it.

I take a sip and my body fills with regret. I sip down the soup until the bowl is empty but instead of me being full of soup, I'm full of self hatred. As soon as Lesley leaves the room and I hear the tv flick on, I run over to the bathroom and poke my fingers down my throat. I sit in the bath side feeling a silent wave of relief. I flush away the evidence and walk back into my room.

It's not long before the drowsiness catches up with me and I fall under.