A Siriusly Good Prank (Marauders/Jily/Wolfstar)

5-The Other Moony

James was exhausted.

He'd gotten Sirius with a little magic help from Remus, transfiguring his hair to a very short cut in the morning (and fixing it, of course), and he'd replaced his Potions essay with lyrics to "A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love", but Sirius had hidden his Nimbus 77 and replaced it with a Shooting Star Six, the kind of broomsticks that only rise about two feet off the ground and go about one kilometer per hour. Remus had awarded him eight points for the hair and ten points for the essay, but he'd given Sirius nine points for the broomstick, so now the rankings were 117 for James to 116 for Sirius.

So that was why he was getting up at 3:00 in the morning and sneaking down to Sirius's usual seat at breakfast to put a bit of Polyjuice Potion he'd nicked from Slughorn's stores in Sirius's goblet, with a lock of Remus's hair. Just enough to get them through breakfast, but a small enough amount that it should wear off before their first class.

And was he really out of bed too late, when he'd actually just gotten up very early?

"Prongs."

James gave a start and glanced up. "What?"

"You've got a thousand-yard stare." Sirius took a bite of his eggs. He hadn't picked up his goblet of pumpkin juice yet, James noticed. "What's up with you? Lily's sitting over there."

James shook his head. "Nothing's up with me."

"Liar. You're planning something," Peter accused.

James winked.

Sirius aimed a finger at him, taking a swig from his goblet. "This better not be another ten-point—"

He broke off, gasping.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked urgently. "Sirius! Sirius?"

Sirius gave another rattling gasp and suddenly his hair was lightening, pulling into his scalp, he was growing taller and thinner, his skin tone growing more pale, scars appearing on his hands. Suddenly, James and Peter were staring at an identical copy of Remus.

Remus turned a furious glare upon James. "You moron," he hissed.

"What..." Sirius stared at his hands. "What just happened?"

"James," Remus said through clenched teeth, "apparently Polyjuiced you into me."

Sirius stared at Remus for a moment, then gave a hoot of laughter. "He didn't!"

"He did," Remus said grimly.

"Give him ten points for that," Sirius said. "He deserves it." He cocked a grin. "Excuse me for a moment, there's something I have to do."

"Padfoot, no—"

But Sirius stood up, making his way over to where Lily was chatting with Marlene at the far end of the table.

"Lily, I will have to abstain from prefect duty this afternoon," he said loudly.

Lily gave him a strange look. "Remus, what's wrong?"

"I will abstain, because I am a butt trumpet," Sirius continued. "And I have much butt-trumpeting to attend to this afternoon."

James dropped his head onto the table and howled with laughter. Remus stood up and marched over to Sirius, giving Lily an apologetic look. Lily looked dumbfounded, glancing between the two Remuses.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Remus said. "Sirius seems to have, er...fallen into one of James's pranks."

"Of course James did this," Lily muttered. "He doesn't have a mature bone in his body."

James shot to his feet. "I have one mature bone."

Lily stared at him.

"It's my funny-bone," James announced. Peter let out a shriek of laughter.

"Oh, very amusing," Lily snapped. "I can hardly breathe for laughing."

"Come on," Remus said wearily. "I'm sorry, Lily."

"Sirius, get out of here," Sirius said loudly.

"Sirius, what—"

"I'm serious, Sirius," Sirius said seriously.

James let out another fit of laughter.

"Oh, honestly," Lily growled. "The lot of you are so childish."

Remus sighed.

"I'll see you this afternoon, Remus," Lily said pointedly, striding off.

"See you then!" Sirius yodeled after her. Remus slapped him on the back of the head.

"Sirius, that hurt," Sirius whined.

"Shut up, Padfoot." Remus glared at James. "Prongs, I am so tempted to give you zero points for that, but you get ten, because you pulled it off well."

James executed a small bow.

"Are you guys ever going to stop this ridiculous prank war?" Marlene complained.

"Never," Sirius said.

"I told Evans that if she goes out with me, I'll stop," James amended.

Marlene leaned across the table. "Get it into your head, Potter. Lily is never going to go out with you."

Remus smirked at Peter. "Ha."

Peter jumped up and scurried over to Marlene. "Have you seen the way she looks at him?" he challenged. "Obviously she's going to tell you that she doesn't think he's cute because you're her friend, but—"

"Lily wouldn't—"

"Lily would, actually," Remus said.

James turned to Sirius. "Moony, can you try asking her again?"

"I'm not Moony."

James shook his head, then turned to the other Remus. "Moony, can you—"

"Absolutely not."

"Moony!"

Remus sighed. "Fine. Fine. It's not going to work."

"Try anyway," James said. "I feel like I'm getting closer. She'll go out with me. I vote we raise the stakes—twenty Galleons."

Peter shook his head. "I'm out. I think he's going to win."

"Fine." Remus met his eye.

"No sabotaging!" James said quickly.

"No sabotaging," Remus agreed. "Twenty Galleons."

"I'm in," Sirius said.

James grinned. "Awesome."