Heartbreaker [Ryden] [BOOK ONE]

- twelve -

Brendon had been watching me like a hawk, showing up everyday so he could walk me to school. I really didn't know how to feel. How was I suppose to feel when Brendon trailed after me everywhere? I didn't even get to hang out with Josh anymore, he'd slowly drifted off, becoming Tyler's hawk as Brendon was for me. 

One day, it became too much. It'd been about a week since the incident with Sarah, a week since I was shoved into my locker, and all Brendon had done was hover over my shoulder. Sarah hadn't taken my ignorance towards Brendon as me obeying, and had more or less continued the pain. 

Although, since Josh had drifted away from me, I really didn't have any more sources she could attack. Well, except Brendon, but I doubted she'd attack him face-to-face. She really couldn't do anything to me- Brendon had discovered that Dallon, Ian, and Kenny were messing with me, so that had soon come to a stop. Still, I wasn't gonna take any chances.

Like I said, I was pissy, short-tempered, and upset, and Brendon wouldn't give me my fucking space. Every time I tried at least separating myself a few meters, he'd jump forward to catch up with me. 

"Dude, give me some fucking space." I finally snapped, glaring at him over my shoulder. He flinched at the tone in my voice, but still held his posture, step after step he kept up with me. I dodged a student who was talking more with actions than their hands, before turning around to face Brendon.

Brendon screeched to a stop, his eyebrows raised in surprise at the sudden halt. "Really, give me some fucking space! If you don't leave me alone, I swear to God..this whole thing's off." I threatened, pointing a finger at him. Brendon paused, his mouth dangling open. Good, that'd keep him off my tail. 

I felt tears welling up in my eyes- I'd made a mistake hadn't I? If I didn't have Brendon's company, I would have no one. Since Josh left, I would be alone. I still held my ground, blinking the tears away with a deep breath. Brendon's eyes softened, as he stepped closer to embrace me.

"Ryan, I'm so-" 

"Don't apologize! Brendon, stop it, just leave me alone, alright? Jesus Christ!" I blurt out, swatting his arms away. I turned around, and sprinted down the hallway. Tears were already pooled up in my eyes, threatening to spill. I'd barely reached the men's restroom when a strangled cry forced it's way up my throat. 

I hated myself. 

"God, why are you so stupid?" I cursed, directing the next line of insults at myself. I slammed the restroom door shut, turning to kick the trashcan. I watched with slight satisfaction as if tumbled over. Then, I had a complete break down.

I let out a scream, kicking the wall as hard as I could. I stumbled over to the bathroom sinks, staring at myself in the mirror. I was a mess. My eyes were red and puffy, with tears streaming down my cheeks. My hair was disheveled from my lack of care of self appearance. 

I sobbed again, sucking on my bottom lip. Letting out a low whimper, I turned and sulked over to a corner of the bathroom. I dropped down, pulled my knees to my chest, and let the tears fall. It was a water fall. All I wanted at the moment was death. What'd I get in it's place? Brendon. Again. 

Brendon inched his way through the bathroom door. At the sight of me, he felt sympathy. I could tell by the way he held a frown, and soft glance in his eyes, that he felt sorry for me. He pitied me. I hated having pity. 

"Ryan, please don't push me away-" 

"You don't fucking care!" I shouted, slamming my fist against the wall beside me. I yelped in pain, another sob racking through my body. Brendon flinched, dropping down beside me. 

"What makes you think I don't care? Ryan, this may just be a stupid little game, but that doesn't mean I enjoy seeing you sad..." He whispered. I glanced up at him, sniffling. I heavily breathed through my mouth, now that my nose was stuffed up. Brendon adjusted himself to sit down beside me, and grabbed ahold of me.

"Come here, Ry." Brendon demanded, yanking me to his lap. I didn't have the energy to move, so I let him pull me up against his chest. I twirled my hands into his shirt, unintentionally pulling him closer. I pressed my face up against his chest, taking deep breaths.

Yeah, I was crushing on Brendon Urie. Yeah, I hated it. Yeah, I wanted to kiss him. No, I wasn't going to admit to slowly falling in love with him. No one needed to know, right? "There we go, see, everything's all right.." Brendon whispered. HIs lips were near my ear, just barely brushing them. I couldn't help it.

This was the one time; well, I hoped the one time, that I followed my heart. I pulled away from Brendon's chest, twisting myself so I could sit in his lap to face him. I grabbed a handful of his hair, and yanked his face to mine, gracing his lips with a rough kiss.

It was short; I pulled away after a few seconds of our lips moving in synch. His hands had already gripped my hips in a mean way, an aggressive way- it was hot. With that one kiss, all my worries melted away, evaporated into thin air.

I still had ahold of Brendon's hair when I pulled away. Nothing moved, except for the rise and fall of Brendon and I's chests. That's all that was heard. Otherwise, we were too caught up smooching to care. I never thought I could top- I was a twink after all. 

"Oh, power bottom?" Brendon teased, finally speaking up. I rolled my eyes, pressing my forehead up against his with a soft smile. "That was totally unrelated to what we were first talking about.." He murmured, again. 

I huffed, yanking his hair. Brendon let out a quiet yelp, frowning at me. His eyes screamed in protest, but he himself didn't say anymore. I broke out in giggles. "You know what I just realized, Brendon?" I leaned down next to his ear, this time my lips barely grazed the edges of his ear lobe. 

"Hm?" He breathed out. "Your birthday is coming up in a few days. Four, to be exact. It's April eight. I have plans for your birthday, Brenny." I answered. I heard Brendon's breath catch in his throat. I dragged one hand down his neck, and onto his heart.

His heart was beating wildly. Ironically enough, so was mine. "Don't we have class?" He murmured, a shy smile upon him. 

"Shit, we do. English, huh?" He nodded softly to confirm what I hoped we wouldn't have. I huffed, giving in. "How old will you be?"

"Eighteen." 

"A legal adult, huh?" I snorted softly, sliding off his lap. He nodded. "I guess so, I'll finally be the same age as you." 

"It's about time." I teased. Brendon rolled his eyes, glaring at me. I felt happier than I did before; maybe I did need someone in life? Maybe Brendon was that thing? Never the less, I was too young to be worry about it, so I let it slip from my mind. I did, however, lean up against Brendon as we walked down the halls, enjoying the way he held me close with one arm. 

- 

this is short but i hope you loved it anyways. heck, also, i prefer she/her pronouns, and i'd like to go by lillian/lillie, please?? thank you!

- lillie