Love Drunk ➸ j.t

Chapter Twelve

**Perrie's P.O.V.**

Jade still doesn't remember me. Louis is helping but it isn't the same. I really want Jade to remember me herself, not with the help of Louis. I guess Jade will never be the same. My scars are starting to creep up my arm and down my legs. No one notices. No one cares. Not even my parents or my brother. Everyone at school avoids me. I've gone from the top of the school to the top of the bottom. No. Just the bottom. No one wants a head girl that cuts herself. Not even Jesy or Leigh-Anne care. I don't even bother trying to cover the scars up anymore. I know it's bad and I know I should stop but it's the only way I cope. The only way that eases the pain for just a little bit. I'm getting thinner and thinner. I can see my ribs now. That's another reason I cut. Because I look horrible. My sunken in cheeks, my toothpick arms and legs, my clothes that look like I've dressed up in my Mother's clothes. I can't eat. Every now and again I'll drink a cup of tea or eat some soup but I'll always throw it up an hour later. I never purposely throw it up, my stomach just doesn't co-operate with food anymore. I hardly sleep because I know I'll have a nightmare. A nightmare when I find Jade in the alley but she's dead. A Jade that doesn't remember me is better than a dead Jade. I don't go to see Jade as I know it will hurt. I cry all the time when I'm alone and just move around like a zombie when people are around. Louis is the only one who calls or makes any type of contact with me. Well, tries to make contact. I just ignore his texts and calls. He hasn't made it as far as coming to my house yet. He avoids me at school though. Probably so I don't ruin his reputation. I'm a trainwreck and I'm falling apart.

I was at home, staring at the cream coloured wall of my bedroom when I hear a knock at the door. I know my Mum would get it so I stay still. Didn't move a muscle. I hear her talking downstairs with a man and then silence. Then two pairs of footsteps on the stairs. That's when I knew who it was. Louis. I turn to face the door as it creaks open slightly.

"Perrie?" I hear my Mum say. I remain silent. The door opens more and Louis enters. The door closes behind him.

"Hey," he says, awkwardly.

I try to smile but I can't. Not anymore. There's no point anyway.

"Look, Perrie, you're going way too far with this! You don't need to do all this, cut, starve, not sleep. You don't need to! Jade will love you again! She really wants to see you. Just give her a chance!" Louis pleads.

"No, Louis! I want to remember me by herself, not with the help of you!" I answer back.

"Well then come to the hospital and help her. Talk to her! I'm sure everything will come back when you start talking to her!" Louis exclaims.

I shake my head. "No. I can't see her. It'll hurt too much."

"Perrie," Louis says, sitting beside me on the bed. "Jade needs you. It'll hurt more if you stay here. She's getting better each day. Each day she remembers a little bit more. She wants to see you. It'll hurt her if you don't. If you come, maybe she'll remember more," Louis says. I don't reply, taking in his words. After a few minutes, Louis sighs. "Visiting hours finish at 5. Just thought I'd tell you." and with that, he stands up and leaves. I remain staring at the cream wall, trying to process Louis' words. Jade wants to see me? Maybe there is hope after all. If I could just . . .

I stand up and start frantically pulling clothes out of my wardrobe and dresser, trying to find something appropriate but it won't look to baggy on my frail body. Jade's gonna flip when she sees me. Then I stopped. I can't go to the hospital like this. I'll walk through those doors and the doctors will take one look at me and stick tubes in me to feed me and make me fatter. I can't do that. I sit down again as I get a bit woosy from running around and start knawing on my nails. What shall I do? What shall I do?

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A/N: Hi guys!! I'm so sorry about the very very late update! I have been extremely busy and have not found any time to write my stories! But I know this chapter won't make up for it. Sorry. I'll write another one very soon. I'll start write away (geddit? write away? Like right away but write away? Wow that was a bad bad horrible pun). Anyways, I hope you like this chapter, what do you think Perrie's gonna do?

Please vote, comment and follow <3

- Holly xxx

P.S: Feel free to yell at me in the comments ;)

P.P.S.: Did you all get the whole chapter last time? Or did it just cut off where Jade asked if she was gay? Please answer, this is so important.