Book I: My Muslim Man | COMPLETED

Chapter 30: On Quitting MMM

So, I'll be quitting MMM. Sorry. I just can't anymore. Try to understand. I'm sorry. This is the end of Afaaf, Imran, Fahad, Zaid, Amna, Areej, Aunty Sabeeha, Uncle Ameen, Afaaf's mother, Ali, Aunty Zareen and Maria. Goodbye to MMM and to you dear readers. I'll miss you loads 😢😢😢. Just so you know, I'll still be around on wattpad and THIS IS A PRANK! 😂😂😂😂

OMG! The look on your face right now! 😂😂😂

I know. I'm savage. 😎

Welcome back to MMM.

Hope you enjoy the return.

Chapter 30: Losing Love

Afaaf's POV

Lost. So lost. Words, phrases, terms; all forgotten. How could I forget to express myself to myself? I have lost myself within me. What am I looking for? Where am I in life?

This... This empty hole, growing in my chest. It hurts but it has been numb for days. The storms have been set silent, the thunders have quieted down, suddenly. I need to feel my heart but it seems impossible for now.

How can I not feel even the arrival of Ramadan? This dreadful distance is suffocating every emotion in me. How can I even feel distanced from Allah?! What kind of a Muslim am I?

I was talking with my thoughts again. Sitting in my bedroom, in darkness, the only light existing was the lamp light beside my bed.

I really wanted to read this book of different duas that helped my heart to feel at ease but before I could even flip to the next page, this unamed feeling consumed me. I wanted to sit alone in still air and breathe deeply while I spoke to myself to sort out a few problems inside. Unfortunately, the problems only grew. Confusions. Uncertainty. Indecision. They befriended each other to fuel this feeling. This feeling, which has been torchering me for days.

9 days have passed since I last saw him stomping out the room. I had heard him bang the door as he left me alone in our bedroom, to cry miserably to myself. I had packed roughly in a hurry to get out of that house. To leave the painful questions that bite my soul.